Monday, October 19, 2009

In a Funk

When I need a mapping or have trouble hearing, my family is usually the first to notice. It's possible my friends notice too, but they just choose not to say anything :)
It starts out with...
  • A significant increase in the number of times I say "what?"
  • Suddenly needing things a lot louder OR
  • Everything being painfully loud. Lots of shushing!
That's "stage one." Stage two is when I start to notice. Usually I notice the things I've already said, and
  • I'm completely exhausted and worn out by the end of the day
  • I get annoyed easily
  • I snap at people at the drop of a hat (I'm normally quite friendly-honest!)
And that's how I've felt for the past few week-a month. It's not that my hearing has plateaued- I'd be fine with that. I feel like my hearing is declining, which is not okay. And it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I hadn't just had a mapping in which my level barely changed. Even my audiologist said she wouldn't expect much of an improvement, since there was pretty minimal change in my MAP for both ears.

So, what's the deal?

A) I have no clue
B) But it could be..
  1. An equipment issue
  2. A mapping issue
  3. That I'm just stressed, so I don't have as much energy to put into listening
  4. An internal implant/electrode problem (I highly doubt it)
I really don't care why, I just want it fixed. After a long (short, actually we didn't have school Friday) week of school, I want to be able to relax. Unwind with my friends. Do some serious retail therapy.

Instead I strain to follow conversations, and eventually give up and go into my own little world. I put on a a mask of sorts and going into autopilot- smiling, laughing when everyone else laughs, nodding along with conversations. It's like I've gone into a time machine and back two and a half years. Only difference is a new school and harder classes.

And it's just not fair to my family. I go home and take out my frustrations on them, the people I love most. I'm sure we've all done it at one time or another, but I come home tired, angry, and upset everyday. And they feel the emotions right along with me.

Two steps forward, and five steps back.

Sorry if you don't like the short sentences and bulleted lists. I thought I'd try out a little differently just for this post, it seemed to go with how I was feeling.

And no I'm not just going to keep complaining- I've got an appointment with my audiologist and the Cochlear rep on Friday. Cross your fingers...


  1. Hey!! Thanks for the blog post, I now know the signs to go for a mapping hehe.

  2. very interesting! my son...age 9... has other issues besides hearing (has cochlear implant since 1 year old) but i'm going to bookmark this post for myself. have never looked at your blog but i am a DV blogger also and found this via FB.

  3. My son is 16 and I know he can really relate. You are more intuitive about your hearing I think - I'll share this with him. I did have an audiologist tell us that she has seen hormones affect teen hearing - so don't get in a big funk if a map adjustment doesn't work...maybe things will mellow out as hormones subside. Just a thought. Keep sharing - I love your blog.

  4. Make sure your FM is set up properly, as the balance between direct and ambient is what sets up your signal-to-noise ratio. Also, make sure the teacher has the microphone positioned properly.

    I'm in the process of creating a whole new standalone Hearing Blog; with the leadoff to be titled FM: The Unfair Classroom Advantage; but for a taste of it -- Including technical references for ANSI classroom acoustics standards, optimization of FM+CI mix ratios, and labs with partners, please see my replies in:
    Requesting an IEP and FM System

    Hope this helps~

    Short URL for FM thread:

  5. Glad you're getting it checked out with your audiologist. Good luck.

  6. Thanks for the comments guys!

    Melissa- You're welcome... I wrote this with you in mind :)

    Queen Mum- Glad this post was helpful! LOVE the profile picture of your son, by the way!

    Anon- I'd be interested in knowing if your son has similar observations. Hormones most defnitely affect my hearing (my audiologist said hormones+stress can make my maps fluctuate like crazy, and I've got plenty of both!) I've always had to go for mapping really frequently, and my implants are still sort of new, but the last 3 or 4 mappings haven't made things any better. Worse, if anything. I've especially noticed it in my right (older) ear. Hopefully it will get adjusted just right this time!

    Glad you're enjoying my blog. Check back as often as you'd like! ;)

    Discpad/Dan- Don't even get me started on the FM! It's been static-y like crazy. The FM audiologist has been out multiple times per week, adjusting channels and trying stuff out. The other day, it was hurting more than it was helping, and when I got home I realized the channel had gotten changed to channel 1, which is one of the channels that can interfere with the transmitter/coil on my CI. But it also seems that the classroom technology is also interefering with it. I have so much more to say, I think I'll devote a whole post to it when I have time! Thank you SO much for the link and info, and I will most definitely read the FM blog once you get it started.

    Sarah- Thank you! Will post about how everything goes tomorrow...

  7. Just re-read this. I asked for a mapping a while back because everything sounded a lot quieter, the CI team basically said it is just a processor problem(over email without seeing me) Ugh! When I go for my N5 I am going to ask for a new mapping!!


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