In a Funk

When I need a mapping or have trouble hearing, my family is usually the first to notice. It's possible my friends notice too, but they just choose not to say anything :)
It starts out with...

• A significant increase in the number of times I say "what?"
• Suddenly needing things a lot louder OR
• Everything being painfully loud. Lots of shushing!

That's "stage one." Stage two is when I start to notice. Usually I notice the things I've already said, and

• I'm completely exhausted and worn out by the end of the day
• I get annoyed easily
• I snap at people at the drop of a hat (I'm normally quite friendly-honest!)

And that's how I've felt for the past few week-a month. It's not that my hearing has plateaued- I'd be fine with that. I feel like my hearing is declining, which is not okay. And it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I hadn't just had a mapping in which my level barely changed. Even my audiologist said she wouldn't expect much of an improvement, since there was pretty minimal change in my MAP for both ears.

So, what's the deal?

A) I have no clue
B) But it could be..

1. An equipment issue
2. A mapping issue
3. That I'm just stressed, so I don't have as much energy to put into listening
4. An internal implant/electrode problem (I highly doubt it)

I really don't care why, I just want it fixed. After a long (short, actually we didn't have school Friday) week of school, I want to be able to relax. Unwind with my friends. Do some serious retail therapy.

Instead I strain to follow conversations, and eventually give up and go into my own little world. I put on a a mask of sorts and going into autopilot- smiling, laughing when everyone else laughs, nodding along with conversations. It's like I've gone into a time machine and back two and a half years. Only difference is a new school and harder classes.

And it's just not fair to my family. I go home and take out my frustrations on them, the people I love most. I'm sure we've all done it at one time or another, but I come home tired, angry, and upset everyday. And they feel the emotions right along with me.

Two steps forward, and five steps back.

Sorry if you don't like the short sentences and bulleted lists. I thought I'd try out a little differently just for this post, it seemed to go with how I was feeling.

And no I'm not just going to keep complaining- I've got an appointment with my audiologist and the Cochlear rep on Friday. Cross your fingers...