My Greatest Accomplishment?

So I'm going to a program this summer for teens with hearing loss. I'm excited for it, but before I go we have an assignment to answer a series of personal questions about ourselves using only a visual for each question (images, photographs, etc), but no words. I haven't had issue with the majority of it, but I am stuck on one last question "What is your greatest accomplishment?"

I've been pondering over it for days now, and I am still at a complete loss. Of course, I've had months to do it and now I only have a few days left, but sometimes life gets in the way!

Anyway, it's an interesting question. You'd think something like your greatest accomplishment would be something you'd know off the top of your head. One of those things that flashes before your eyes as you die and can say "Yeah, I did that!" Okay, maybe I'm being melodramatic... But gosh, reducing everything I've done in my sixteen-almost-seventeen-years into my greatest accomplishment? I just don't know what I've done that is worthy of the title... I've never done anything particularly great. Shouldn't I have accomplished something by now? I mean, you hear about those teens who have climbed Mount Everest or sailed around the world or memorized the dictionary or whatever...but what have I done?  My family is convinced that I'm nuts for getting so worked up over this.
"This is ridiculous! Just pick something!"
"You're sixteen, it's not like anyone expects you to have found a cure for cancer!" (..yet)

So here I am, feeling extremely unaccomplished. If you think you know my greatest accomplishment, then please, enlighten me..

I really need to stop obsessing over everything..

By the way, if you have anything you'd like to see/read me write about, or a question you'd like me to answer, or anything like that...I'm open to suggestions. I feel like I'm running out of things to say, believe it or not! I'm not quite ready to see this blog die.

It passed right by...

Monday was my 4 year anniversary of bionic hearing! It was a relatively uneventful day.. I kinda just remembered that it held any significance!


Now it's just normal. Wearing my CI's is just so natural, that I never really think too much of it. My new favorite hearing thing to do is blast my car radio and sing along. They're still not perfect. I still need frequent mappings, but that's getting better as my 2nd ear is growing and not fluctuating as much. I never really adjust my hearing settings. In fact, I don't carry around the remote (and seldom know where it is...). Although occasionally when it gets ridiculously noisy and it is necessary to scream to be heard, I switch to the Zoom/Focus program. I'm not quite sure how it works, but it works wonders! And for those know-it-alls that claim the Nucleus 5 is just a smaller Freedom, I can tell you that I feel the Zoom feature alone was worth cost of upgrading. The sound is different. Don't ask me how it works, don't tell methat I must be wrong because the technology is the same...

I know what I hear, and it's pretty amazing!

For those of you wondering, the Ultimate College Guide is under way and is now being done in partnership with Rachel Chaikof of Cochlear Implant Online. It should be pretty amazing! If you'd like to participate/be featured, just message me!

In other news... I'm probably giving up French :(
No, it's not by choice. Yes, it is a hearing/accommodations thing. Yes, I am upset by it because it absolutely sucks. 
 

 

Speech

I speak well. 

I didn't always, but after many years of speech therapy, I'd say that if you didn't know anything about my hearing ability, based on hearing me speak, you probably wouldn't suspect anything. Occasionally I don't fully enunciate the /s/ sound, but I've been told that after I got my CI's my speech improved... Anyways, that's  not really the point of this post..


I don't think a person's speech should matter, as long as someone's speech is intelligible, what difference does it really make? Some (hearing and ignorant) people, though, think that the way a person speaks reflects his intelligence. Some people think it's okay to make fun of another person's speech just because it doesn't sound the same as theirs.


This has caused me to be stuck in the middle of some extremely awkward situations. I've realized that:
1)Many people don't think of me as deaf
2) Some people are complete idiots
Looking back on some of these incidents,  I definitely wish I had spoken up.


When I was in middle school, a group of girls who I was acquainted (but not particularly friends) with were sitting at my table gossiping before class started. I listened without actually saying anything. The conversation topic soon turned to a girl who was deaf that went to our school, who one of the girls at the table had gotten into a fight with. They began rattling off all the things they disliked about this girl.


Then, one of the girls gossiping says, "Have you guys ever noticed the way she talks?"


I cringed but didn't look up.


They all laughed and nodded in agreement with the girl.


Then, they all took turns pinching their noses in amazingly ignorant attempts to imitate her voice. I was horrified, but didn't say anything since I wasn't actually involved in the conversation. The girls were very outspoken, and I was certainly on the shyer side.

 

There was another incident that occurred within the last couple of months. In my Health Sciences class, we have vocabulary quizzes are administered orally every couple of weeks. Our teacher had been out sick for the last couple of days, and there had been a substitute teacher in her place. He was a really chill, friendly guy.  He was always smiling, but was originally from somewhere in Africa (I can't remember anymore) and had a very thick accent. I usually do okay with accents, but I honestly could not understand a single thing that came out of this guy's mouth, so I just smiled and nodded whenever he said anything (we were doing group projects, so he wasn't actually teaching us, just making conversation).

Knowing that I could not understand this man, I was concerned about the impending quiz. Since I didn't have that class until later in the day, I asked some friends who had Health Science in the morning if we had the same sub administering the test. When they said that we had a new sub, I admitted that I was relieved because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to understand the previous sub. One friend said she felt the same way, and assured me I would be able to hear the new sub just fine.

Then, another girl (infamous for her tendency to speak *way* too much,) chimed in.

"Yeah but the new sub talks funny. It's really annoying"

My friend glared at her. "That's so rude! Don't say that!"

"Ugh but it was so annoying," the girl said, and then turned to me. "Her voice was really weird."

To be honest, I was completely confused as to what she could possibly mean. I figured the sub had a lisp or something. 

Alas, when I got to the class, the sub introduced herself. She explained that she had hearing loss and her hearing aids were broken, so we'd have to get her attention before speaking to her. Her speech was completely intelligible, by the way (and I aced the quiz). 

I had pretty much forgotten about what the chatty girl had said. I figured it was a moment of poor judgement, and just kind of shrugged it off. But then I saw her that evening at some sort of school function. We were making small talk when she suddenly blurted out,

"Wasn't I right about the sub? ugh Her voice just like bothered me so much." 

Then she laughed. I shrugged and then did my best to escape from the conversation.

I feel cowardly. The voice inside my head was yelling all sorts of not-so-nice things, while my actual voice remained silent, pretty much implying agreement.

I really need to get over the whole "quietness" thing. I always regret not saying something, yet I never learn. So frustrating!

Quote du Jour

"No one ever said life would be easy... they just promised it would be worth it."

Today, I felt like Alexander..

 I haven't even taken any of my hard exams yet. However, my day started off with locker clean-out during study hall. During this time of absolute chaos, a herd of rather tall teenage guys was stampeding through the halls like no body's business. Apparently my foot was in their way, so rather than running over it..they just ran on top of it it. My typically pasty white foot is now puffy and an ugly purplish color. It hurts pretty badly too :(

In my excitement and enthusiasm for starting a new school in the fall, I had been lulled into a false sense of security and assumed that the few accommodations I currently wouldn't be a problem come next year. It's not the district that's putting up a fight, but it doesn't really matter whose fault it is when the outcome is all the same... I'm always the one who ends up losing out, and yet I was completely blindsided. Silly, silly me.

 Why did I have this crazy idea that I could actually enjoy the right to an equal education without having to fight for it?

I need summer. All I want is to be back playing with and "helping" the sick kids. It brings a strange peace to my heart and I just need to see those beaming smiles to put everything back in perspective.

They make it worth it.