The telephone, hearing and exams

*Sorry if you've left me a comment/email/message and I have not responded. I fully intend to, and I know some of these are months old (and some are only a few days old) but I want to respond all at once when I have the time to give full attention to the topic at hand. I appreciate your patience :)*

The reason for the need for the above statement is because I have been studying like crazy for exams. I'm only posting this because I know if I don't do it now, I never will get around to it!

• I'm having one of those hearing "highs". I really hope I'm not completely jinxing myself by saying this, but I 've just been hearing extremely well lately. It's so nice.. This has led to a few "CI moments" and the realization that it's been two and a half years since my first implant was turned on. Where has the time gone?
• On that subject: I've been having some difficulty in one of my classes. It's my gifted and talented class. It's very fast-paced, requires a ton of reading and class discussion, and it's flat out hard. I'd been having an internal battle for weeks and weeks over whether or not to stay in it, since my grades just weren't where I wanted them to be in that class. I made tons of lists and talked to lots of people and I thought I had my mind made up that I was going to change to an easier class next semester. I decided to talk to my teacher (again) as a last resort, and he gave all sorts of tips* on how to study, which included studying with friends. This is something I pretty much never do, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I decided to stay in the class for the time being (it is also one of my favorite classes, just extremely challenging.) So, in preparation for upcoming exams (which started today), I got together and studied with friends practically all day Sunday.
• In the morning,  I got together with just my best friend and we decided to make a study guide of everything we could possibly need to know for the first section of the test. The class is sort of a mixture of 3 different subjects (it's taken over 2 years, so you get 2 different credits), so we made a study guide for the first part. We started off with my friend typing. I soon learned she has some pitiful typing skills ;) and we decided to trade off. I listened to my friend, read the text book, and type simultaneously. In the middle of doing this, I realized I never could have done this a couple of years ago. It didn't even occur to me that I would have trouble hearing what she was saying without staring at her lips, and it was never even an issue. Being bilateral, it was also nice not having to worry which side to sit on or constantly having to turn my neck/head.
• Later on, we decided to meet up with a bigger group of friends and spend three hours discussing everything we knew. We were at a friend's house that was relatively quiet, and I was able to follow most of the conversation. Keep in mind these are my loud, crazy, friends who find it perfectly acceptable for five people to talk at once, which is exactly what happened. While I did occasionally have trouble keeping up, I'd say I understood a good majority of the conversation and was able to stay involved given that there were no other outside noises. Eventually, my friends had trouble understanding what was being said so we had to enforce a rule that onlt one person could talk at a time. That lasted about five minutes!
• Today, my phone was dying so I went and plugged it in. I left the room to go work on one of my exam reviews, when I heard that all too familiar buzzing of my phone. My friend was calling me. Instead of running away (or not hearing it ring in the first place..) I ran to answer it. I was on the phone with my friend for two hours, and we were discussing the information for  (different exam than the one previously stated) our exam tomorrow. I was in the study/office talking on the phone, when my sister and her friend came in and were having issues using our copy machine. They were laughing hysterically, and the machine was beeping like there was no tomorrow. All the while, I maintained and understood the conversation with my friend- how cool is that?! I was not using T-coil, mainly because I didn't want to have to mess with it while on the phone. Halfway through the conversation, I briefly put down my phone to flip throught the textbook, only to realize that the battery was once again dying. I ran to grab the charger (and cursed my luck), and plugged it in. My cell phone charger has an annoyingly short cord, so I had to put it on speaker phone in order to prevent me from having to lean towards the ground for the phone to reach my ear. I made an interesting discovery- I do not hear nearly as well on speakerphone. I don't know if it becomes distorted because it's too loud, or what, but the difference was pretty dramatic.

The pain has returned and is in full force. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried- I am. My doctor is not concerned at all, but part of me is afraid that the implant could be infected or something, and they won't realize it until it's too late. I'm hoping that part of me is just paranoid! We are going to see if we can get insurance coverage for the N5 on my new side ASAP in order to see if that will help with the pain. I really hope so, it's getting pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully, the dizziness has disappeared. And, there's THREE days until my winter break starts. Do I hear cheers and applause?!

*For now, I think I'll stay in the class. This change in my mind has also been helped by an increase in my grades, which never hurts!


Happy Holidays to all!

News, News, and More News

Sorry for keeping you guys in suspense ;) for so long,  I wanted to be certain of everything before I posted about it. Now I am, so read on...

I know a lot of people mentioned that external equipment can often be the source of having an unusual amount of trouble with hearing. Whether it be a dirty microphone cover, a damaged processor, a loose coil,- they all affect how you hear. In my case, I changed out all of the equipment and it made absolutely no difference in sound quality. If you, however, are reading this because you're experiencing the same problem, I recommend changing out all external equipment, just to rule it out before proceeding any further.

Mapping
So, last Friday (10/23) morning my orchestra teacher pulled me out at the end of class saying my mom had sent him an email that she wanted him to relay to me. I went into the office and read it- the Cochlear Rep woke up sick  (darn you, H1N1!) and wouldn't be able to make the appointment- did I still want to go to the audiologist? I wasn't happy about that, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try yet again with my audiologist. I went to the appointment, and my audiologist told me that she felt like we were missing something and that a new set of eyes should look at it, but she wanted to try one last thing before giving up. It was either that or do some hearing tests, so I figured what the heck...

My audiologist decided to start from scratch and create an entirely new map- the same ol' measuring T's and C's just wasn't doing it anymore. My processing speed/rate on both processors has always been at 900, which is where most people start off, and usually stay. The processing speeds can range from 250 (on the oldest processors, mainly only used by people who have had their implants for years and years and don't like the faster rates) to 3600 (only available on the newest processors, but pretty much too fast for anyone to comfortably use.) My audiologist said that often times with her very elderly patients who aren't doing as well as you'd expect, as well as patients who had been Deaf all their lives, she moves the rate down to 500. The response is usually a sigh of relief, and an exclamation of, "Wow! That's so much more comfortable!" These patients usually find that things sounds "screechy" at 900.

So, how does that relate to me? Comfort wasn't the issue, but clarity was. My audiologist decided to take a leap of faith and see what would happen if we moved in the opposite direction, since I was having the opposite problem. So, starting with my (right) old side, the one I'd been having the most trouble with, she opened a new map with a processing speed of 1200. In addition,  she changed the pulse width. When I first got my implant, I needed it so loud that the C's (loud sounds) were going too high up,and there wasn't any room left move them. Instead, my audiologist had changed the pulse width so that the (excuse me if this exclamation isn't perfectly accurate, this is all from memory) electrode rang just slightly longer, making me perceive the sound as louder. This causes a huge drain in battery life. Since I'm now bilateral, I've been  slowly turning down the right ear, so my audiologist thought it would be safe to move the pulse width back to the norm. A higher processing rate also causes a decline in battery life, so my audiologist thought it was necessary since we were trying out a rate of 1200.

Okay,okay, enough with the technical stuff! Before turning it on, she warned me it would sound weird. It did. She turned it on, and all I heard was a buzzing. Like, if you accidentally had your processor on T-coil. I turned off my left ear and just listened- I could hear voices, but they sounded like they were coming down a long tunnel. My audiologist worked her magic, making the appropriate adjustments. I had no clue if I would like it once I got out into the "real world", but figured I had nothing to lose. Next, we opened a new map with my left ear, changing the processing speed to 1200. We had never adjusted the pulse width on that side, so we left it alone. When it came time to listen to the tones, I remarked at how different they sounded. It was the same pitches as if it had been played while it was at 900, but the sound was completely different. Imagine always hearing the note A played on the violin, and then suddenly, one day, it produced the note A, except it was the sound of a trumpet. Wouldn't you be baffled?

My audiologist attributed this to the changing of the processing rate to 1200. I asked her why it only happened on my left ear, and she shrugged. I knew very well that no two ears are alike, so I didn't think much of it. We made pretty much the same adjustments on that side, but this time I just wasn't so sure on this side, but wanted to try it out and see. Right after my audiologist saved the maps, I was getting ready to put my processors back on, grab my stuff and go on my merry way, when my audiologist got my attention said "Stop!" I looked at her.  She told me to hook up my left ear again. I looked at the computer, and noticed the map for my left ear on the screen. I soon realized what the problem was, why the new processing rate wasn't producing the same result in my left ear. The column that lists the processing speed said 500. It was accidentally changed to 500 instead of 1200-yeah, I bet that could make a difference! She remapped me at 1200, and all was right with the world!

Interestingly enough, this new mapping caused my battery lives on both ear to do a little flip-flop. My right ear, which always required a ton of power and had a battery of life of 12-16 hours with disposables. With the new map, it is supposed to give me 36 hours! That's a huge difference! On the left ear, I had only been using the FM on that side since it required less power. The battery life, formerly around 25 hours, is now only 16 hours. The FM still works with it, but I am guessing I could probably usually it on both ears now- I will have to look into that eventually.

And my actual hearing....what did the map do? Instead of rambling on for another 8 paragraphs :P, I'm just going to copy a facebook message I sent to my audiologist a few days ago after she inquired about how I was doing.

I think it's better! Everything sounds "right"...I can understand people and music sounds good again! About time ;) I was starting to forget why I listened to music in the first place. The left side sounds a little softer/far away, but I don't notice it with the FM on. I am happy and do not want to change a thing! (for now..)







Maybe it is one magical change after all?
 
And there you have it. Sorry, I have a lot more to write about (hence the news, news, and more news,) but this post is already way too long, don't ya think?!
 
Happy Halloween!

Good news is coming...

as soon as I have a spare few minutes to write about it! Stay tuned..
(Hint: look at the tags!)

In a Funk

When I need a mapping or have trouble hearing, my family is usually the first to notice. It's possible my friends notice too, but they just choose not to say anything :)
It starts out with...

• A significant increase in the number of times I say "what?"
• Suddenly needing things a lot louder OR
• Everything being painfully loud. Lots of shushing!

That's "stage one." Stage two is when I start to notice. Usually I notice the things I've already said, and

• I'm completely exhausted and worn out by the end of the day
• I get annoyed easily
• I snap at people at the drop of a hat (I'm normally quite friendly-honest!)

And that's how I've felt for the past few week-a month. It's not that my hearing has plateaued- I'd be fine with that. I feel like my hearing is declining, which is not okay. And it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I hadn't just had a mapping in which my level barely changed. Even my audiologist said she wouldn't expect much of an improvement, since there was pretty minimal change in my MAP for both ears.

So, what's the deal?

A) I have no clue
B) But it could be..

1. An equipment issue
2. A mapping issue
3. That I'm just stressed, so I don't have as much energy to put into listening
4. An internal implant/electrode problem (I highly doubt it)

I really don't care why, I just want it fixed. After a long (short, actually we didn't have school Friday) week of school, I want to be able to relax. Unwind with my friends. Do some serious retail therapy.

Instead I strain to follow conversations, and eventually give up and go into my own little world. I put on a a mask of sorts and going into autopilot- smiling, laughing when everyone else laughs, nodding along with conversations. It's like I've gone into a time machine and back two and a half years. Only difference is a new school and harder classes.

And it's just not fair to my family. I go home and take out my frustrations on them, the people I love most. I'm sure we've all done it at one time or another, but I come home tired, angry, and upset everyday. And they feel the emotions right along with me.

Two steps forward, and five steps back.

Sorry if you don't like the short sentences and bulleted lists. I thought I'd try out a little differently just for this post, it seemed to go with how I was feeling.

And no I'm not just going to keep complaining- I've got an appointment with my audiologist and the Cochlear rep on Friday. Cross your fingers...

Good, but...

In French class, whenever we do any sort of speaking test there is a rubric that we're graded on. You can be rated anywhere from a 0-5 on a variety of criteria. If you score a 3.5-4 on something, that means you scored in the "good, but..." category. As mature as my class would like to think we are, there is still a fit of giggles everytime the teacher says "If you have a good, but.."  (Notice what it sounds like when the comma is removed...) Anyway, it basically means you did pretty well, but there are some things that could have been better. That's how my week went.

For starters, there were no meltdowns, breakdowns, freakouts, or anything of that sort. It's been a relatively happy week.. Some of the material that I was worried about and having trouble with seems to have gotten easier. I really  need (another) mapping, so everything on the hearing front hasn't been too great, which doesn't really help when you're put in one of the noisiest hearing environments.  It seems like the people at the school are starting to understand what I'm getting frustrated with, and are willing to help- as long as it doesn't involve spending, and a very misleading thing called "educational need" is shown.
Unfortunately:

• A) Sometimes when you've done everything you possibly can, there's nothing left but to try a proven and well-known technology. If this isn't recognized very soon, there can and will be action on our part.
• B) My intelligence and ability to study for hours just to learn the material I can't hear in class shows absolutely nothing about my hearing ability. I wish someone (who makes these decisions) would understand that.

Sorry if that's vague, it's probably best that I wait to share more details until after the fact.

Believe it or not, my week was relatively stress free. I haven't been completely overwhelmed, and actually got something that I oh-so-dearly was starting to miss- SLEEP! My teachers have scheduled all of the hardest tests on this upcoming Thursday, so I'm planning on getting a head start on studying so I'm not a complete disaster come Wednesday night.

And for the but.. And it's a big but... ( no pun intended... okay, maybe...)

I've had the same violin teacher ever since I started playing violin over three years ago. I'm not talking about my orchestra director, but my private lessons teacher who I've seen for  half an hour each week to work on any pieces or techniques that I have trouble with, or want to get better at. He's been my teacher when my hearing was getting worse, when I decided to get a CI, was waiting to get my implant activated, watched as I changed and grew along with my hearing, and then my journey with my second implant. He loved to experiment with how well I could hear differences in pitches, and was usually able to tell if an issue I was having with orchestra  was a "hearing thing" or just one of my own little quirks, completely unrelated to how well I can hear.

For the past two Mondays, he hadn't shown up at my school to give me a lesson during my orchestra class (or for any of his other students). I figured he was sick, and didn't really think anything of it. What I didn't know was that he hadn't called the orchestra director to let him know he wouldn't be there, which was something always did. My orchestra director was starting to get worried, and on Tuesday went over to my lesson teacher's apartment and knocked on the door, but no one answered. He soon found out no one had heard from him in a while, and called the police. The police came over to the apartmet, and found that my lesson teacher had passed away in his home at least a week ago. He was fairly young, and relatively healthy.

That's all I know, I have no clue about the cause was or any other details. I'm still very much in shock, and it has definitely made me appreciate each day for what it is, because you just never know if tomorrow will come. I know it won't be easy to find another teacher who understands and is nearly as interested in my hearing journey. I am very grateful for the three years that I had him, and can definitely say I wouldn't be where I am today without him.

No Two Ears Alike- Part 5: A Comparison

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part 4

So, I'm going to write a comparison between my left (new) ear, with info about my right (old) ear . Some of it is stuff I have already talked about, some is stuff that I vaguely mentioned, and some is information that I am just now sharing.

Recovery
Old: Easy as pie, but slightly dizzy for the first 2 or so days.

New: Terrible. Horrid. I was dizzy for at least a week, and in a lot of pain. Also had/have issues with the scar healing. It took me about two weeks to feel like myself again.

Residual Hearing*

*I have not officially gotten my hearing tested unaided since getting both implants, but will do so and post the results in the near future. This is just what I have observed:
Old: Seems to be a good bit of residual hearing in the low frequencies. In that ear I can sometimes hear my dog barking (if I am really close by), doors slamming, my iPod turned all the way up using my Bose headphones, and voices if you speak/scream loudly in a low-pitched voice. I can also hear loud clapping.
New: Appears to have some residual hearing in the high frequencies, weirdly enough! I don't think I am completely imagining it, but anything is possible. I can hear the high-pitched beep/ticking of my Sonic Alert portable alarm clock faintly if I hold it right next to my ear without anything blocking it. When I went back to school before it was activated, we had a fire drill and I could hear the alarm in that ear.I can't hear much when I turn my iPod up all of the way, but some things that I have heard are someone smacking gum (so strange) and my sister will come up behind me and scream in a high pitched voice, and I can hear it. She just thinks it is so cool!
Side note: My hearing fluctuates, so I'm not sure how long this is going to last. Some of these sounds I could not hear before I was implanted without my aids in, so it's pretty weird. I don't mind it though!

Tinnitus
Old: I would get it occasionally (it was very quiet) before I got implanted. Once I got my CI, it went

away completely
New: Never had tinnitus before, until I woke up from surgery with an extremely loud roaring sound. It has since progressed into a steady, loud, chirping. It beats to my pulse- if I was running around, it gets faster. If I'm just laying down, it gets slower. I only hear it without my processor turned on.

Activation

Old: I kept a log on Microsoft Word of my activation experience and all the new sounds I am hearing. I have not updated it since November of '07, but it is 14 pages long! It's really cool going back and looking at it, and I encourage anyone to do so if they are not already keeping some kind of blog or journal! I also think my writing has matured a bit since then... Here is an excerpt I wrote in it shortly after activation,

"When I was first activated everything sounded like beeps. It was weird, but it quickly got better. Within an hour everybody sounded like Mickey Mouse on helium! When my sister laughed in a dramatic low pitch it sounded so high that it was impossible to imagine! However the next day I was able to understand many things without lipreading. Then people began to sound like Donald Duck. It was pretty funny, I have to admit! The next day, people started to sound like a robot mixed with Donald Duck. The more I practiced with the implant, the better it got. Starting the day of my activation, I listened to music with just my implant. At first it just sounded like a cacophony of sound, but if just got better and better. Within 2 days I could understand the lyrics of songs. About a week or a week and a half after activation I bought an iPod since mom “misplaced” the other one. Once again, the more I listened to it, the better it sounds."

So there's how I got my blog name! More about that in another post.. And the "misplaced iPod" comment- my mom took up my iPod after my hearing got worse (which I think was a very cruel thing to do!) because she was afraid it would further damage what I had left. She promised me I could have it back once I got my implant, but by then she had forgotten where she'd hidden it!

New: Sounded like wind chimes at first... Progressed pretty quickly. I was listening to music and talking on the phone (with my AV therapist, not my friends- that's more of a challenge!) within 3 or 4 days!
FM

Old: Oh my word. A complete and utter disaster! The static was so annoying, and the batteries die every 10-15 minutes because I use a really,really strong map on that side. I've deemed the FM hopeless for that ear, and even my audiologist has said there's really not much else we can do to make use of the FM better on that side.
New: Static at first, but went away once we found the right FM. I haven't tried it in the school setting yet, but I have my fingers crossed for the start of school next week.
Note: Yes, I am only going to wear an FM boot on one side. I'm hoping it will also allow me to hear what is being said by the rest of class, if the sound coming through the mic only reduced on one side. We'll see- I'm cautiously optimistic.

Staying On
Old: My ears look pretty much the same, so I'm not really sure what the deal is! I guess my right ear is just floppier! The processor is constantly falling off of my ear when I'm doing everything from just sitting there, to baking, to running around, and it was a real pain when it fell off when we were doing a group obstacle course where we were all standing on a wire trying not to fall off at a camp I went to this summer. It was a camp for kids with hearing loss, and the "counselors" were audiology/SLP students, so someone picked it out of the dirt, and handed it to on of the students, who tried to simultaneously balance herself while putting my processor back on my head. The problem was she was on the other side of me and couldn't see my ear, so it took a little while-- and then fell off again! The magnet stays on fine, though (until the processor drags it down to the ground as it falls!)

New: Stays on, no problem! I was pleasantly surprised, because I did not want to deal with two things constantly flying off of my head!

Violin

Old- After I got activated, I apparently started playing really quietly. Which is not a good thing, considering I'm already a pretty timid player!

New- Went through the whole "playing quietly" period again. My violin teacher thought I could tell better when I was in or out of tune, and did more auto-correcting. I guess he's right, I never really noticed it...

Speech

Old- I began pronouncing the soft sounds that I had not heard or said in a while. "House" became "House" again, instead of "how". The /s/ and /x/ sounds came back into my speech!

New- Suddenly I began getting comments left and right about how my speech sounded so much "crisper" and "clear". It was kind of an awkward conversation to have, but I guess I can give the credit to my new implant!

Note: My speech really wasn't all that bad before, really! Sure, it wasn't perfect, but you couldn't tell I had trouble hearing just from the way I spoke (until you asked me a question and I answered it completely wrong- ha!). I will have to record myself speaking someday and put it on here...

Music

Old- Much better than it was with hearing aids. No more distortion distortion. The first song I heard when I was activated was by KT Tunstall, who I later found out, interestingly enough, has a deaf brother with a CI! I didn't think music could sound any better.

New- I was proved wrong! Listening in stereo using my headphones is soo much better! It's so cool to be able to listen to each instrument and understand the lyrics

Anyone out there?!

That's all for now, folks! And lurkers- please don't be afraid to come out of your shadows! I don't bite! I can see how many people visit my blog per day and it doesn't nearly match up with the number of comments! While I get plenty of comments on the Community (which is a great resource for anyone looking into or that has CIs, and I recommend you visit!) y'all here in the blogger world seem to be slackin'! I'd like to hear what you have to say, even if you just want to leave an anonymous comment- fine with me! So come on guys, something-anything! Just let me know that I'm not talking to myself!

In Summary- 8/19/09

I was asked to give a summary of all of my thoughts on being bilateral, and I thought that was a good idea, so here I go. Basically, 2>1! I had a significant amount of residual in my unimplanted ear using a hearing aid before going bilateral, but I have found that having two implants makes a world of difference, rather than an implant and a hearing aid. I feel like I can hear more of the subtleties of music, and I don't struggle nearly as much in noisy situations. I have found that while my two ears are completely different, they complement each other beautifully. I prefer my newer ear over my older one, and find it better for talking on the phone. If anyone is contemplating going bilateral, my advice would definitely be "Go for it!" but also understand that your journey is not going to be exactly the same the second time around. Upon first getting a second implant, there is not as much of the "WOW!" factor since you can already hear sound. However, it is much easier and less fatiguing being bilateral, and I highly recommend it!

My New Cellphone (and why you shouldn't rely on pockets to hold your keys)

About a week ago I got a new phone. Prior to that, I had a really awesome Sidekick 2008. I was in LOVE with this phone. I'm a big texter, so it was perfect for me with its QWERTY keyboard, and it was my first "smartphone" which was pretty cool, and it had all these random nifty features. Some I didn't use, but the internet was pretty cool! Plus, it had removable covers and this website where you could make your own personalized cover for the same price! I made this really cute pink one with my name and some music notes, and an adorable picture of my dog.


Okay, after all this gushing I'm even starting to ask myself why I got a new phone! But, truth be told, hearing on that phone was a disaster. It was absolutely not T-coil (or hearing aid) compatible, and even without T-coil I got some interference. Sometimes I need/want to use the phone, so just being able to text was not optimal.


My phone contract was coming to an end and my Sidekick kept malfunctioning and not letting ,e text. Not good! So, I decided it was time to research ( a lot!) for a new phone. One thing I discovered is that every single major phone company I looked up has a list of all their hearing aid compatible phones. This was really helpful, and most of them also listed the ratings (M3, or M4 and/or T3 and T4)

Here are the links, if anyone is interested.

T-Mobile (scroll down towards the bottom)
Verizon
at&t
Sprint (For more info on their TTY compatible phones and Relay services, and data-only plans click here)

I looked at all of these websites and the features of each phone. I went to T-Mobile (my provider with my Sidekick), Verizon, and at&t and tried out all of their hearing aid compatible phones. Some interesting things I found out were that T-mobile has no M4 or T4 phone, only M3/T3, which is a lower rating. When we went by the at&t store, they claimed to have only one hearing aid compatible phone, which was a really basic phone. So, we scratched at&t off of the list. I tried the phones at T-Mobile, both with and without T-coil, and found that they were still somewhat hard to hear on. Plus all the cool phones (G1 and MyTouch, anyone?) were not hearing aid compatible. I realllly wanted one with a full keyboard, and that I could hear on, it didn't even have to be a "nice" phone. So off to Verizon we went.



I was surprised that they had quite a few phone that had T4 as well as M4 ratings. They had all kinds of cool phones- Blackberries, touch screens, full keyboards, - ALL with M4 T4 ratings! Sweet! I tried out quite a few, and finally settled on, drumroll....

The LG EnV Touch! It has a full QWERTY keyboard, as well as a touch screen (with keyboard) on the outside when you shut it. It has a rating of M4/T4 and I could hear well on it when I tried it out in the store. The guy even gave me these two pink covers that I can put on it! Yeahh!

It works well, and I really like it. It has most of the features that my Sidekick had. The one thing I don't like is that Verizon apparently had a 160 character text limit to non-Verizon users...who knew?! I was kind of annoyed, especially since they didn't tell us. My friends thought it was pretty funny "No more of your infamous 5 page long texts!" Oh well! I can still send and then finish the message in a new text message, so I can live with that.

It seems I need a new mapping, though. I tried out the phone a few weeks before I bought it, and I could hear great! But my friend called me the day after I got it, and I could barely hear her. I'm not going to go into all the details (because I can't without making myself sound like a complete idiot) but I'm just going to say that I didn't hear the time we were going to the movies, and had to beg one of my other friends to find out. She refused, but it all worked out in the end.

I have since tried using the phone on my left (new) ear with much more success! I was delighted with that! And the thing is, you never know when you'll need to call someone. I'm saying this 10 minutes after getting into my house after being locked out for 25 minutes. That definitely required me to make a few phone calls! My poor dog has a hurt paw, but he was feeling kind of anxious so I decided to take him on a short walk. My dad was out of town, and my mom decided to take my sister shopping, so I was home alone. So, being the very responsible teenager that I am, I took a key and locked our front door after leaving. We just went down the block, but I could tell Zach (my dog) was getting tired and it was hard for him to hop on three legs. So we walked back to the house. Right as I was about to get the key out, a thought popped in my head, "Wouldn't it suck if I lost my key?" I then reached into my pocket where I had oh-so-safely put the key, and it was nowhere to be found. Panic set in and I turned each of my pockets inside out in desperation. Nothing but a tube of chapstick and my cellphone!

I called my mom, who was pretty angry that I left the house in the first place. After doing her usual, "I'm going to kill you!" she instructed me to retrace my path to see if I could find the key. By then, Zach was completely exhausted, and whenever I tried to get him along with me to come look, he would just go in the street and drink the drain water. So, I tied his leash loosely to a tree branch and went on my way to look for the stupid key. I looked carefully, using my phone as a light since it was now getting dark out. I could not find it! My mom called me again three times, saying she was on the way. The only thing is, she was a good half hour away. Finally, by some miracle, one of our neighbors answered her phone and drove over and brought me a key-- after I'd been sweating out side for 45 minutes! The walk (20 minutes) was shorter than the time I waited!

Don't you hate it when you try to be independent and make a complete fool of yourself?

**UPDATE** I made an even bigger fool of myself... Apparently my jean shorts have a little tiny pocket inside of the normal pocket- perfect for fitting a key! My mom decided to search my shorts and thought it was HILARIOUS when she found it! Me-not so much. At least I didn't lose the key?!

For those of you that are (or are planning to be) bimodal...

Or binaural, or whatever you want to call it. Simply put, wearing both a hearing aid and a CI.

Even though I'm bilateral now, I thought I'd get the word out in case anyone else had the same problem I once had.

When I still wore a hearing aid in my left ear, but had just gotten a CI in my right, I kept running into a problem. My hearing aid was constantly breaking. Sure, it broke before, but this was a constant. Two days or less after getting it repaired, it would break again! And it wasn't like it used to break, where it would just stop working altogether. It would start sounding like static. When someone spoke, all I heard was static. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I could hear and understand crystal-clear with my hearing aid, but I still had some speech recognition in quiet, and could identify voices. When it was broken, it was really quiet I could not understand anything whatsoever! It would bother me more than it helped.

After about the tenth time of it being sent back and repaired, my HA audiologist wanted me to come in to her office to see if there was "anything we could do."

Huh? It's broken!

So after talking for a while, she looked at me sympathetically and said, "You know, we could do a hearing test, just to be sure. It's only one ear, so it won't take that long."

Ohhh I see how it is! They think it's my hearing! No siree!

"No, I'm not doing a hearing test! It's broken! Listen to it if you don't believe me!"

So she did. She thought it sounded "a little funny", and I'm assuming that for me, being deaf, I just notice it a lot more. If you're listening to my HA turned all the way down so that it's tolerable, you're not going to notice that it's a lot quieter!

So we got it replaced, and once again it broke. It must've broken a minimum of twenty times, when finally my audiologist talked to her husband. He's not an audiologist, just some smart, scientific guy. He said that just like a magnet can ruin speakers, they can probably ruin a hearing aid. So if they're ever close together, the CI magnet is probably breaking the hearing aid.

Like when they're in the Dry and Store. Which I'm to lazy to use every night, so I only use it every other night. And then it's broken the next morning.

dingdingding! Finally, twenty hearing aids later, an answer! We invested in another Dry and Store, and from then on, until my second CI surgery, I stored them separately. And it would only break occasionally, if I accidentally held them in the same hand.

I should add that I used to wear a digital hearing , but was not the newest technology at the time (although it was when we bought it!) It was called an Oticon Adapto Power. It was a nice, compact, little hearing aid that used one tiny size 13 battery. Sorry, rambling on here... Just wishing that my CI processors were that small! Some day.. I have no idea if the same thing applies for other hearing aids, or if the magnets don't do anything to them.

So anyway, lesson learned. Don't store magnets near a hearing aid!

Just a Minor Annoyance

As you probably already know, I have Freedom processors by Cochlear. Picking out a brand is an extremely hard decision, and there really is no "right" choice. No matter what they say, one brand is not going to give you better hearing than another. Even people who have a different brand of implant in each ear are not a reliable source of knowing, because as you should have learned from my other blog posts, no two ears are alike! Some brands have better track records on reliability, which is what influenced my decision. One of my closest friends with a CI has a different brand, and we occasionally talk about our envies in each other's implants. She was implanted many years ago with a Clarion, and while the company has come out with a BTE, it just doesn't work for her since the battery only lasts a couple of hours. So she uses a bodyworn processor. She often gets jealous when I start talking about walking in the rain, or running through random people's sprinklers when I walk my dog. Her processor can't get wet at all. I get jealous that she doesn't have to deal with a bulky processor constantly falling off of her ear(s)! We both hear really well, and are both happy with what we have, we just wish that both of our companies would come out with completely waterproof processors! Everyone is different, and what is right for one may not be right for another (which is why you shouldn't bash other implant brands or try to shove your personal brand down someone else's throat!--just sayin') I have been more than happy with my Freedoms, and really feel like I made the right choice(for me!)

The great thing about the Freedoms is that they have two battery options- disposables and rechargeable. I started out on both sides using rechargeable, but it turns out that I am a power junkie. My MAPS require a LOT of power, plus I have thick hair which means it takes a little more power to transmit the sound through to the implant. On my first side the rechargeable only last 6 hours, which just does not work for me. I could be in the middle of a playing test in orchestra, or listening to an important class discussion, and it was just inconvenience to have to change them. That's why I use disposables, which usually last me a full day, unless I get up really early and stay up late or in an excessively loud environment (whenever we have pep rallies, my batteries die as soon as I get home from school). I've become a pro at changing batteries quickly and can change them in a matter of seconds. I go through a pack a day (of batteries, not anything else!) with having two ears, so being able to change them quickly when I get a bad batch of batteries, or when they die without reason is important to me.


So what's my point, you're wondering?


Not too long ago the little cover over where I plug in the accessory cables and FM got ripped off of the controller on my old side. It was probably due to me trying the FM at a camp for kids with hearing loss that I recently attended, and the FM just does not work with my old side (whole 'nother post with more details coming soon), which was discovered after many times of taking the FM boot in and out of the accessory plug-in thingy (what's it called?!) and replacing it with the normal battery rack. Combine that with me listening to my iPod for 10 hours each way on our road trip to New Orleans, that probably wore the poor little rubber cover out! This kind of thing is a pretty rare occurrence, but thankfully Cochlear was able to ship me another controller in just 2 days, even though the one I had was technically still working, and I had a back-up.


The problem? The new controller arrived, and I inspected it. I noticed the battery rack looked a little different. I took out the one from my left side and compared them.

The one on the left is the new battery rack that was just shipped to me, and the one on the right is the kind I'm used to having. Please excuse my lack of photography skills and my deodorant in the background . :)

The main difference I noticed was the gold strip was now just a straight line instead of turning at the top, and the little battery outlines were changed from black to gold. I figured it was just cosmetic, until I went to put batteries in. It felt odd, like I was putting them in backwards, and you really had to push to get the battery in. I figured it just took some getting used to.

The next morning I went to go change my batteries. I started with the right side. I pushed the two top batteries out with little issue, just had to push them a little bit harder than usual. Then I got to the bottom battery. I could not, for the life of me, get this thing out! I pushed and I pushed, and it would not budge! I then resorted to using every object I could think of to try to get it out, to no avail. Finally, I handed it to my mom and pouted. After spending a couple of minutes, she was finally able to get it out using her long, acrylic nails. The end result? A waste of ten minutes, the loss of my battery-changing independence and the ruining of my brand-new hot pink manicure (I say this at the risk of sounding shallow. Really, I'm not!)

It's become pretty much the same routine every morning. Try, fail, resort to random household objects, fail yet again, make my mom do it. It seems that the gold strip is not the only difference.


The one on the left is new, the one on the right is the original kind. Don't see a difference? On the old ones, the bottom battery always stuck out. It wasn't because it was broken, that's just how they're made. On the new kind, it seems they've decided to forgo this, and it has caused me some serious battery-changing issues!

Today was the first day I managed to get the bottom battery out on my own. It took a while, but I did it. I think I may just use some old battery racks I have if this doesn't get any easier.


Just a tiny annoyance compared to the joy I get from hearing the world around me. Today I heard what sounded like an Ice Cream Truck for the first time! A little battery trouble is nothing compared to the delight I get from hearing a friend whisper a secret in my ear, or foiling my dog's plan of trying to sneak up behind me with his nails clacking on the floor with each step. The pleasure of listening to and making music always brings me joy, and I will forever be grateful to Cochlear and everyone involved in my journey through bionic hearing. Even if they had to go and change something that was working just fine before! (Cochlear, are you listening?!)

No Two Ears Alike-Part 3: Progress and a Problem

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two


I had purposely scheduled my activation for a Friday so I would have the weekend to adjust to hearing with two ears. And that I did. By Saturday night, I was listening to my iPod with my left ear alone and even enjoying it. My speech recognition seemed to be improving by the hour. Just a day after getting turned on I went to The Listening Room and breezed through all the levels of the speech discrimination activities, and the highest one, the expert/olympic module, was/is still under development, probably would have been more challenging. (My surgery was just a few weeks too early to receive Sound and Way Beyond.) By the end of the weekend, I had gone through all 8 of the programs given to me (each one louder than the next). It seemed that I was one of those people I had been jealous of when I got my first implant, those who seem to do well instantly.



Since I had gone through all the programs, I went in for another mapping four days after my new side was turned on. We quickly got through the mapping, and then my audiologist was eager to put me in the soundbooth. I listened for the tones, then she did HINT sentences. I surprised myself with the amount I was able to understand. Either I understood the sentences or I didn't. The ones I understood I got entirely right, but the ones I had trouble with I couldn't understand a single word of. The audiologist finished the HINT test and I started to get out of my chair.



"Wait," she said "I'm going to get ready greedy and test you on words!"



"Are you kidding me?!" I asked.


For the uninitiated, this is probably one of the most stressful hearing tests if you don't have really good hearing. I swear I can feel the anxiety building up as the creepy man voice says, "Ready, duck. Ready, bomb." I'm not sure what the point of saying "ready" is, since I don't think there is anyway to be ready! The man sounds like he's torn between overexcitement and nervousness, and I'm not sure if the speed is adjustable but he seems to go mighty fast! That voice haunts me...


While doing the test I was convinced I was getting every single one wrong. I have a close relationship with my audiologist and we get along great, so I figured she would be understanding. I looked at her through the window with a "save me!" look and she just smiled and nodded at me to keep going. Fine then!


Finally, the testing was over. I went into a long rant to my audiologist about how sure I was that I had failed miserably. She refused to say anything until we got into her office. "Do you know how amazing these results are?!" she asked. Clearly, I did not. Then she showed them to me...



Keep in mind these are my results FOUR DAYS after my CI was activated. Not a long time at all. I also included my right ear's (with two years of electrical listening experience) audiogram for comparison.

Red is right (old), blue is left (new). That's 5-2o dB across the board for my new side alone! And 0-15 dB for my old side is pretty awesome too!

And here is my speech understanding scores for my left ear alone, once again, I repeat, FOUR DAYS LATER!

HINT- 83%

CNC- 60%

Pure shock! I was already waaay surpassing my old hearing tests.

The next few days I had a little more skip in my step and my hearing only kept getting better. I was so happy to know that I had made the "right" choice and was feeling a lot more confident in more difficult hearing situations. Actually happy doesn't even begin to cover it. I was ECSTATIC. I was in the "honeymoon phase" of having two implants.

In a perfect world, the story would end there. I would go on to say that now I have super sonic amazing hearing and blah, blah ,blah. (okay, yes, I do think my hearing is pretty amazing now, but that is not the point!)

Not too long after that hearing test, I kept feeling a sharp pain along the very top of my scar/ear on my head. It felt like an awful pinching. I tried to ignore it at first, chalking it up to healing. The pain started getting worse and more frequent. "My ear is probably just not used to carrying so much weight on it." I told myself. That had to be why. Then it got to the point where by the afternoon, I had to take my processor off because the pain was so intense. There were days where I had to remove it at school and keep the processor in my purse, because as much as I loved hearing with two ears, the pain was becoming unbearable.

My mom had said from the beginning we should book an appointment with my surgeon. I refused and insisted that it would get better. She begged me to go. Finally I gave in out of pure misery.

My appointment was on a school day afternoon immediately following the Worst IEP Meeting of My Life. Okay, it was the only IEP meeting I'd even been to, but it was an emotionally traumatic experience. And as I've said before, I'm not a crazy-emotional person. I'm not going to go into many details because I have no way of knowing who reads this blog. (which is also why I don't use my real name, for those of you who were wondering.) Let me just say that the person who was going to be in charge of coordinating my services and was supposed to help me for the next two years of high school just didn't "get it". She seemed like she was out to get me, and I cried until I thought I had no more tears left. Then came the appointment.

My mom was parking the car, so I went into my surgeon's office on my own. It was the one time they took me immediately. I went in and my surgeon came to the room I was in pretty quickly. I described the pain to him and he looked. He asked me to point to exactly where the pain was. He then got out some kind of giant magnifying thing and put it to the side of my head. After looking for what seemed like forever, he looked at me and told me that there were hairs growing inside of the incision that were preventing it from healing. He told me he would use his instruments and go inside the wound to remove them, and it may hurt a little. Great, just what I needed.

He went in and began and the pain was awful. It felt like he was pinching me as hard as he could, and then some. Suddenly it stopped, and I turned my head to look at him. "I just need to get another instrument so I can go in a little bit deeper." AHHH!

Could this day get any worse?

By the time he finished, my mom arrived in time for a question-and-answer session with my surgeon. He went into more detail this time, explaining that because of these hairs growing at the top of my incision, there was actually a small hole forming since it was preventing the scar from healing. Ew. I knew having crazy curly hair would catch up with me someday! My surgeon told me that what he did should solve the problem. I asked if it could happen again. "It can, but it's unlikely," was his response.

Following that appointment I had another appointment with my audiologist because my new side would frequently "cut out" where it would briefly go silent, then I would resume hearing as normal. We tried a couple of things and were hopeful that it solved the problem.

In my dreams!

By the time I got home it was late, and I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was have myself a little pity-party. My parents were pretty understanding, and allowed to take a rare "day off" of school to relax. I'd need it.

To be continued, once again. Up next in part 4: Frustrations.

No Two Ears Alike- 1

Shame on me.

I started this blog exactly a week after my second implant was turned on fully anticipating to document everything and completely failed to even mention that I was bilateral. Oh well, let's hope you figured it out from the picture at the top of my blog!

I think it's time you hear a little about my left ear, don't you? My left ear was always my "better" (better being relative) ear. There was never a huge difference, and I was always told that it was such a small difference it shouldn't matter. Well, it felt significant to me! Especially when we managed to switch up my hearing aids a month before my first CI surgery ( don't ask...you'd think after nine years of having hearing aids this would be a mistake that would never be made, but it's not so!) further exaggerating the difference between my ears. I figured it out soon enough, but even when the aids were in the correct ears, I always felt like I had to turn my left side towards people to hear a little bit better. It had quite a bit of residual hearing, so wearing a hearing aid on that side and an implant on my right seemed ideal.



So why did I decide to get a second implant? My hearing hadn't dropped any more, and I could still understand some speech. The thing is, when I got a taste of what hearing with one CI was like, I wanted to be able to hear that well in both ears! For those of you or your kids who still have some hearing in their unimplanted ear, let me show you my left ear's hearing test results at my evaluation for a second implant...

The blue line is (or should I say was) my aided hearing. The purple line is my unaided hearing. Unaided, as you can see, I had a pretty typical severe hearing loss. Aided, it looks very similar to how my unaided audiogram looked when my hearing loss was first diagnosed when I was three and a half, although not as much of a dip in the highest frequencies and it was probably slightly worse in the lowest frequencies.

As far as speech understanding goes, here are my results (once again, left ear only):

HINT- 60dB (no noise) average- 79%

CNC Monosyllabic Word Test average- 24%

HINT (with noise): 0%

I know there are some people thinking, "why would you give up your residual hearing when you can score 79% on a sentence recognition test?"

First of all, I didn't end up losing all of my residual hearing after all (a whole 'nother post, as soon as I get more info!)

And 2nd of all, because. The HINT test is sooo not real life (well without noise, it sure isn't!)Notice how much lower my word recognition is, and you'll see how good of a guesser/"fill-in-the-blanker" I really am! I also knew it could be much better. I wanted to improve my hearing in noise, which was currently awful even with my CI and HA together. (0% for my right ear alone, and a pitiful 21% for both ears) With a CI, hearing is just so much easier. Even my audiologist commented on how most of the time with my right ear alone, I was relaxed, leaning back in the chair, and just saying the answers with ease. Then when we went to test the other side, I kept leaning towards the speakers, squinting my eyes, and having to pause to try and think and "fill in the blanks" for each of the sentences.

If you're wondering, here were the results for my right, implanted side:

HINT (no noise)- 98%

CNC- 80%

(audiogram of my right ear will be on the same one as my post-bilateral CI results) No, these results are not perfect, but I'm happy with them! They actually have changed very little (maybe 5% higher) from a month after my 1st CI was activated, interestingly enough.

Okay, okay, enough about the testing. I had my surgery for my second implant on the Monday that my spring break started, and I fully intended to be back at school the following Monday. After all, after my 1st CI surgery I was up and happy just two days later. Well this time was completely different. For starters, I was the last surgery of the day. Or one of them. It wouldn't have been that bad if the nurses hadn't done every SINGLE thing in their power to get me out of the hospital ASAP. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, and came very close to screaming "I'LL PEE WHEN I WANT TO PEE! JUST LET ME SLEEP!" :-P. The surgery was quicker than my other one, a little over an hour, and the anesthesiologist commented how the electrodes just "slid right in."

When I woke up from the surgery, the first thing I noticed was the roaring in my ear. It was crazy loud, and drove me nuts. When I got home, I rested plenty and woke up the next day. For the entire week, my ear and head were throbbing. I couldn't stand up without being hit by a harsh wave of dizziness, and when I managed to walk I was extremely unsteady. The roaring in my ear had transformed into a steady chirping noise that was in synch with my heart beating. This was not how it was supposed to be! I'd been warned about all of the side effects, but I didn't think they'd actually happen! I definitely wondered, "what did I get myself into?" multiple times in that week of misery.

The dizziness eventually went away. The pain came and went. The chirping? I still have it to this very day, but only without my left processor on.

To be continued...

Continued...

You can probably guess what happens next. My hearing had gotten worse. A lot worse. My hearing aids were maxed out, but that still didn't sound any better. This led to my first considering of getting a cochlear implant.

It was a really difficult decision to make, as someone who still could hear and understand some speech, but I decided to go for it. Which just led to many more decisions that had to be made. What brand? Which ear? (and most importantly) What color processors?!

So finally, in May of 2007 I was implanted with the Nucleus Freedom in my right ear. Surgery and recovery were a breeze. When it was first turned on three weeks later, it initially sounded like a series of tones and beeps. Within hours that went away, and it sounded extremely high-pitched (Mickey Mouse on helium). Sure it was weird, but it was also pretty funny! Within about a week or so, the sounds all started coming together and I could understand speech. I had always thought I heard pretty well with my hearing aids, but I was suddenly discovering all of these sounds I never even knew existed! I heard rain for the first time. The sound of rain absolutely delighted me (and still does!) It rained every day that summer, and I enjoyed every second of it!

Some other sounds I heard for the first time were:

• air-conditioning
• sizzling of food one the stove
• crickets
• the /s/ sound
• clocks ticking
• the sound that a tissue makes as you crumple it up
• quiet music playing in stores, restaurants, waiting rooms, etc.
• the sound of keyboards/mouse when you press on them

One day soon after my activation, my sister and I were sitting around playing some kind of game. I kept hearing a repetitive clicking sound, and just could not figure out what it was! After doing some investigating of when I heard the sound, my sister discovered it was m dog's nails hitting the floor! I had absolutely no idea it made a noise! From that day on, my dog was never able to sneak up on me again!

Not only could I suddenly hear new things, I could understand what people said so much better. The word "what" became a lot less common in everyday conversations. It's so awesome to be able to eavesdrop on what people are saying from the other room! I also love being able to know what my friends say when they whisper a secret in my ear.

I have no regrets with choosing to get an implant!