The last three months, in bullets

• A few months back I went into a class filled with audiology/SLP grad students to tell my story and answer questions. It was a great experience, and it was nice to see how eager they all were to become the best professionals possible. To be honest, grad school looked much more interesting than high school, but it probably isn't always that way!
• I got an iPhone 4! I am in love with it! It took a few hours to get used to the the keyboard (and I still have trouble typing without looking, but who really needs to be able to do that anyway!) I was worried I wouldn't be able to hear very well on it, but the sound quality is actually much better than any other phones I've used in the past. I don't use the listening/speaking part of the phone too often, but it's good to feel confident that I can hear on it when I do use it. I haven't gotten the chance to try out the FaceTime feature yet... It is wonderful having my music and phone all in one, and the apps aren't too bad either :)
• I have officially had my license for 6 months! My mom insists that's not very long, but it does mean that I can now legally drive more than one passenger in my car!
• Yesterday marked two years since my bilateral surgery. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm not feeling like I constantly need to go for mappings, and it is *so* nice.
• I still have a love/hate relationship with school. Hate the work, but I'm loving spring break :)
• For the last month or so, I've had horrible jaw pain upon opening my mouth, chewing. talking, yawning.. you get the idea. Today I went to an oral surgeon and he asked if I've been under stress lately. I laughed- when am I not under stress? Apparently I clench my jaw at night because I'm stressed, so the joint on one side of my jaw is out of place. It's supposedly really common, and is curable by doing some mouth exercises a few times a day. 
• The above appointment was also to have a consultation to get my wisdom teeth out. Yeah, that's what I get to do this summer on top of two different (P)SAT programs, online school, and volunteering. What happened to summer being time for relaxing? Or even having a little bit of fun? 
• The aforementioned surgeon also mentioned a company that takes wisdom teeth and preserves the stem cells in them for future use. There's no telling what medical advances will come about in my lifetime with stem cells (and I'm not just talking about hearing loss), so we'll look into doing that.
• I definitely had another two or three bullets to write, but then a bug flew onto the keyboard and I got completely distracted and don't remember what I wanted to say...
• I feel like I change the colors of this blog more often than I post, but it looks wintery and I'm read for spring. Plus, I looked back at some of my older posts and noticed you can't read them with the darker background..
• I just remembered everything I wanted to write...
• I wanted to thank everyone for the outpouring of support as well as the wealth of information that you have all provided regarding my last few posts. Pedro Martinez left a comment about an online course about stethoscopes with hearing loss. It was extremely helpful, but of course the speaker lost connection right as she was about to talk about stethoscopes with cochlear implants. So typical! I've decided to hold off messing with stethoscopes further, since we're done using them for the year. I may or not need it next year, depending on if I get into a program I'm applying for. More to come in the next month, keep your fingers crossed for me!
• I'll be participating in a research study on FM use and cochlear implants, and I will get the chance to try out a couple of different FM systems. I will keep everyone posted!
• I'm embarrassed to admit that I even watch Celebrity Apprentice... but did anyone else see the most recent episode on Sunday night? If not, let me just say that it is the epitome of of ignorance of hearing loss/deafness (or whatever term you prefer).
• Most importantly- I ask that as you pray for the thousands of tragedies in Japan and whatever else is going on in your life, please squeeze Sara and her family into your thoughts and prayers, if you haven't already. Sara is an amazing young woman and a member of the Cochlear Community. Her brother and sister were recently in a car accident. Her brother was killed, and her sister is currently in a coma. I can't even begin to imagine being in her situation, but I do know that every last ounce of support can make a difference.

Defying Science

So, there's a slight bit of controversy over the effects of having two cochlear implants versus just one plus a hearing aid. I personally believe that they both have their pros and cons, but my own experience has led me to believe that it's much easier conversing in background noise with two implants, and music only sounds better. With a hearing and a CI, it always felt like it was just amplifying the background noise- and that's coming from someone who had a lot of residual hearing. In addition to that, I've found it to be practical not having a "good" side, and I think it's given me confidence in social situations. However, I did find this article to be interesting. I am not sure how reliable the study was, and to be honest, I take it with a grain of salt. For those of you interested, the abstract concludes with

"Although the bimodal cochlear implant group performed better than the bilateral group on most parts of the four pitch-related tests, the differences were not statistically significant. Evaluation of the subject with normal hearing in the contralateral ear showed that the addition of low-frequency sound, even when unintelligible and limited to below 150 Hz, significantly improved cochlear implant speech recognition with a competing talker. Conclusion This research adds to the existing studies that show no significant difference between bimodal and bilateral cochlear implant users."

I'd be interested to hear the opinions of other bimodal but now bilateral users, as well as others. I certainly don't think I'm alone in my experiences!

White Fluff

My yard is filled with inches of white, fluffy snow. For those of you that don't know, I live in Texas.

The place where it's flat. and hot. And it's weird if you don't say "y'all" in everyday conversations.

I woke up, and the grass was covered in a thin layer of snow. It hasn't stopped, and the past record of 1" of snow has been shattered. It's at least 4" and is predicted to get up to 7". How crazy is that!?

We still had to go to school. Every single other school district in the area closed. However, ours is infamous for having really bad judgement when it comes to bad weather days. It's supposed to completely freeze over tonight. Thankfully, not long after getting home, it was announced that school would be cancelled for tomorrow (Friday) giving us a 4 day weekend, since we already have Monday off. Awesome! My friends and I have been planning for this all week, and if the roads aren't too bad to drive on, we'll be seeing Valentine's Day tomorrow. I need this long weekend!

Pictures to come :)

Oh, and on the CI front..
I picked the brown processors. I sent in my backup brown Freedoms (I was very happy that we only had to send in the processors, not the controllers) and they should be shipping the N5s to my audiologist for mapping shortly. We were able to get some insurance coverage, with help from my center's insurance department. However, we're yet to be given an actual number on how much we'll have to pay out of pocket. Hopefully it will be a pleasant surprise, and not a shock!

Has anyone used the Bilateral Personal Audio Cable?

I ordered one, and received it a week or so ago. The weird thing was, one side (that you plug into your processor) was a good 3 inches longer than the other. I'm yet to understand the logic in that, and it's not like the length is adjustable. We called Cochlear, and they sent us another one to make sure the one we got wasn't defective. Nope, apparently they are intentionally making one side longer than the other...

So, if anyone has any idea why this is the case, feel free to share. And don't worry, I'll be posting more about the CART/School situation soon!

The New Year and New Ears

This year has been an interesting one. It's been filled with plenty of highs, as well as its fair share of lows.

I've learned more about myself than I ever thought I would. I've dealt with challenges I never thought I'd have to face, as well as opportunities and chances I would have never imagined. I wouldn't have been able to make it without the help of my wonderful family and friends, who have stuck with me through the good and the bad, even when I was occasionally a bit irrational.

When I first started this little blog over 8 months ago, I wasn't expecting much. Just a way to express my thoughts and have them documented for future reflection. What it turned out to be was so much more.

Through this blog, I've (virtually) met people. These people have inspired me, helped me, and made me realize that I'm not alone in my experiences and frustrations.

I recently came across this quote:

"Every person is a new door to a different world."

- from the movie "Six Degrees of Separation"
 
and it really rings true to me. These people have taught me so much, and I don't think I can get through this post without thanking them. 
 
I'll start with Michelle. I first stumbled across Michelle's blog this summer. She's probably one of the first people I really connected with through blogging. She left a really nice comment on my blog (I'm sure you could find it if you looked) and encouraged me to keep writing. After exchanging emails with Michelle, I realized she was probably the first deaf adult I'd ever had some sort of conversation with. And I remember thinking "Wow. She's just so normal." Now, I hope no one is offended by this, heck, I'm deaf myself. It's not like I was expecting some green person who spoke alien. I just thought it was cool how she was just some funny, spunky lady with a family and who'd held a job, and just happened to be deaf. I hope you guys get what I'm saying here...Anyway, Michelle has served as a great inspiration to me, and I'd better stop before I say something stupid! Thanks Michelle!

Next up is Kristi. Kristi is a year older than me, and I look up to her for so many reasons. If you go to her profile, you'll see that it simply says "deaf teenager (who aspires to inspire) with her own journey: a big fish in a small pond" And inspire, she does. I encourage any readers of this blog to check out her blog, it's great and she writes so poetically. She recently switched from a mainstreamed school to a high school for the deaf, and reading her experiences have really impacted me. She's made me question (in a good way) if I'm doing what I really want. Am I searching for the right things? Am I doing it in the right place? Those questions remain unanswered, but she is helping me find those answers. Who knows if I'll follow in her footsteps or pave my own path, but she's helped me more than words can express.

Writer Kid (M) is a couple of years younger than I am. I first met her through the Cochlear Community, and I sent her a message. She wrote back and told me that she'd read my blog and has one of her own. I clicked on the link not really knowing what to expect, but after reading a couple of her posts I was absolutely blown away. It was like reading the journal of a younger, smarter, more awesome version of myself. I kid you not, this is girl amazing and inspiring. She's such a joy to talk to, and she is basically my definition of  "cool."

These three gals are amazing, and I just can't thank them enough.

On to the next order of business...

So, we've yet to receive word on whether insurance will pay for the new processors. After reading this post, I wasn't sure if I still wanted them! However, we spoke to some people at Cochlear who assured that, if I didn't like it, I could "trade back" and go back to my Freedoms.

Which leaves the most important decision left- what color? Since my last poll is running out (only 1 more day) I thought I would post a new one. What color do you think my new Nucleus 5's should be?

Now, I already know I'm getting brown coils, and I'm probably going to buy some of those nifty covers. I have an idea of the color I want, but I'm just curious about everyone else's opinion. I am not, I repeat NOT going to make my decision solely based on this poll. So anyway, feel free to leave a comment or vote-which color do you think I should  get?

The telephone, hearing and exams

*Sorry if you've left me a comment/email/message and I have not responded. I fully intend to, and I know some of these are months old (and some are only a few days old) but I want to respond all at once when I have the time to give full attention to the topic at hand. I appreciate your patience :)*

The reason for the need for the above statement is because I have been studying like crazy for exams. I'm only posting this because I know if I don't do it now, I never will get around to it!

• I'm having one of those hearing "highs". I really hope I'm not completely jinxing myself by saying this, but I 've just been hearing extremely well lately. It's so nice.. This has led to a few "CI moments" and the realization that it's been two and a half years since my first implant was turned on. Where has the time gone?
• On that subject: I've been having some difficulty in one of my classes. It's my gifted and talented class. It's very fast-paced, requires a ton of reading and class discussion, and it's flat out hard. I'd been having an internal battle for weeks and weeks over whether or not to stay in it, since my grades just weren't where I wanted them to be in that class. I made tons of lists and talked to lots of people and I thought I had my mind made up that I was going to change to an easier class next semester. I decided to talk to my teacher (again) as a last resort, and he gave all sorts of tips* on how to study, which included studying with friends. This is something I pretty much never do, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I decided to stay in the class for the time being (it is also one of my favorite classes, just extremely challenging.) So, in preparation for upcoming exams (which started today), I got together and studied with friends practically all day Sunday.
• In the morning,  I got together with just my best friend and we decided to make a study guide of everything we could possibly need to know for the first section of the test. The class is sort of a mixture of 3 different subjects (it's taken over 2 years, so you get 2 different credits), so we made a study guide for the first part. We started off with my friend typing. I soon learned she has some pitiful typing skills ;) and we decided to trade off. I listened to my friend, read the text book, and type simultaneously. In the middle of doing this, I realized I never could have done this a couple of years ago. It didn't even occur to me that I would have trouble hearing what she was saying without staring at her lips, and it was never even an issue. Being bilateral, it was also nice not having to worry which side to sit on or constantly having to turn my neck/head.
• Later on, we decided to meet up with a bigger group of friends and spend three hours discussing everything we knew. We were at a friend's house that was relatively quiet, and I was able to follow most of the conversation. Keep in mind these are my loud, crazy, friends who find it perfectly acceptable for five people to talk at once, which is exactly what happened. While I did occasionally have trouble keeping up, I'd say I understood a good majority of the conversation and was able to stay involved given that there were no other outside noises. Eventually, my friends had trouble understanding what was being said so we had to enforce a rule that onlt one person could talk at a time. That lasted about five minutes!
• Today, my phone was dying so I went and plugged it in. I left the room to go work on one of my exam reviews, when I heard that all too familiar buzzing of my phone. My friend was calling me. Instead of running away (or not hearing it ring in the first place..) I ran to answer it. I was on the phone with my friend for two hours, and we were discussing the information for  (different exam than the one previously stated) our exam tomorrow. I was in the study/office talking on the phone, when my sister and her friend came in and were having issues using our copy machine. They were laughing hysterically, and the machine was beeping like there was no tomorrow. All the while, I maintained and understood the conversation with my friend- how cool is that?! I was not using T-coil, mainly because I didn't want to have to mess with it while on the phone. Halfway through the conversation, I briefly put down my phone to flip throught the textbook, only to realize that the battery was once again dying. I ran to grab the charger (and cursed my luck), and plugged it in. My cell phone charger has an annoyingly short cord, so I had to put it on speaker phone in order to prevent me from having to lean towards the ground for the phone to reach my ear. I made an interesting discovery- I do not hear nearly as well on speakerphone. I don't know if it becomes distorted because it's too loud, or what, but the difference was pretty dramatic.

The pain has returned and is in full force. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried- I am. My doctor is not concerned at all, but part of me is afraid that the implant could be infected or something, and they won't realize it until it's too late. I'm hoping that part of me is just paranoid! We are going to see if we can get insurance coverage for the N5 on my new side ASAP in order to see if that will help with the pain. I really hope so, it's getting pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully, the dizziness has disappeared. And, there's THREE days until my winter break starts. Do I hear cheers and applause?!

*For now, I think I'll stay in the class. This change in my mind has also been helped by an increase in my grades, which never hurts!


Happy Holidays to all!

just the usual

Bad blogger! Yes, I know. My sincerest apologies, sometimes life gets in the way! :P
So, what's been going on here?

• Saturday night- We got back in town, and I was off balance and dizzy. Deja vu? Yes.. only this time we drove, which made the whole thing pretty weird to me.
• Tuesday- Early in the morning, my left implant started aching a little bit, bu only if I pressed on it, so  I didn't think much of it. As the day went on, the pain became more and more pronounced. By 5th period, it was excruciating. Whenever I raised my eyebrows or smiled (which, I discovered, I do practically every five minutes) it only got worse, and my face expression turned would turn to a grimace. By 7th (last period), I hade to take my processor off. By the time I got home, my surgeon was closed.
• Wednesday- I got in the car, and my mom told me that she thought it was snowing. It pretty much NEVER snows here, especially not this early, so I rolled my eyes (what can I say, I'm a teenager!) and laughed. We pulled out of the garage, and shrieks of excitement could be heard from our car, as well as the constant buzz of my phone, filled with "IT'S SNOWING!!!" text messages. It, indeed, was snowing on December 2nd in Texas. It lasted for an hour, but it only stuck to the grass. No snowday off of school for us :( I took some Tylenol, and the implant pain was a lot less.

This is a picture of the snowfall in my town.
Credit: nbcdfw.com-taken by Todd Young
• Thursday- Finally, able to get in to see my surgeon. (Wednesdays are surgery days). It was barely hurting then, but I was still freaked out by the whole episode, plus the dizziness still hadn't gone away.  The verdict?
• He saw nothing concerning upon examining my head/implant, which is good. Upon looking at where my pain was, at the lower area (my surgeon called it the receiver) of the implant, he determined that it was from the processor rubbing against it and irritating it. My implant is pretty high up, so I found that surprising, but I think he knows a thing or two more than I do! He said that we just need to watch it over the next couple of months, see if it still bothers me, and that the only way to real way to fix it is to get the Nucleus  processor since it would be smaller and wouldn't rub on the site as much. (Potential insurance coverage argument? I think so!)
• He said he didn't really have an explanation for why the dizziness was occurring, and thought it was just a coincidence that it happened right after the trip. Dizziness is pretty common in all hearing loss patients, especially those who have had some type of ear surgery, so it's not exactly surprising to him. My surgeon gave me a 3 page long list of balance exercises to do which should help my balance improve. I haven't done any yet, but they're awfully interesting- how does standing on one leg with a cardboard box over your head sound?!

Yup, that's my ear. This was taken at a camp I went to this summer for kids with hearing loss.

We got a little excited about using the bling ;)

You can see where my implant/coil sits  in relation to my processor.(It's similar for both ears)

*I also got a mapping right before we left town. Now, both ears are at a processing rate of 1800. Battery life isn't great, but hearing is!

And, if you feel like watching an inspirational video that will surely make you teary-eyed, click here!

Countdowns and Ramblings

These are some things that I'm looking forward to for the next month or so...

Thanksgiving Break- 3 days
We're driving up to New Orleans to visit family over Thanksgiving. I'm ready for a much-need break! I'm thankful for a lot too, but that's another post. No, we won't be staying in the same hotel as last time!

Exams- 3 Weeks
err... no comment on this one. Hope I can catch at least a few hours of sleep a night! I am excited by the fact that we only have to go to school for half a day for all of exam week.

Winter Break- 4 weeks
I cannot believe that in a month I will have made it halfway through my first year of high school. (never mind the fact that the second semester is a lot longer..) I really want to do an update on what's going on at school, but so far nothing has really happened. There's been some "evaluations" (it would be a joke to actually call it that) to try to get some technology (any sort of real-time captioning for just a few of my classes) which ended with the verdict that I'm doing just fine. Then there was a meeting, and the verdict somehow changed to "maybe, but you'd have to change schools." This is the LAST thing I want to do, so for now we're planning on trying out something that I'm pretty sure has never been done in the classroom before. Look for an update once it's actually been tried out... whenever that may be.

Visit up North- 4 1/2 weeks
I'm super-excited to say that I'll be flying to IL to visit a friend who I haven't seen in nearly a year and a half. We first met at a convention and have continued to stay in touch starting the second I got to the airport! I'm pretty sure a day doesn't go by that we don't talk to each other. I've mentioned her once or twice, and she sometimes comments on here under "She Loves to Act." We have a lot in common and finally convinced our parents to let us visit each other. I get impatient every time I think about it! I'm also excited to see REAL snow (hopefully!) and see how people celebrate Christmas (I'm pretty sure this will be the first Christmas I don't spend in a movie theater and eat in a Chinese restaurant... If you're Jewish  you know what I'm talking about ;)) I still need to find a coat...

Nucleus System 5- Releases for Freedom recipients in a week and a 1/2
Freedom users and parents of users- will you be upgrading? If so, when? I more than likely will, but just want some other people's input on why they are or aren't planning to upgrade. There is no software (hearing)difference, so there's pretty much no chance of getting insurance coverage. There's a good chance that there will be software upgrades (for the N5) in two or so years, so insurance coverage may eventually be available, but who knows. I really like the fact that it's so much lighter, and I actually prefer the remote- if I'm having trouble changing to FM mode or something with my processor, I'd actually be able to see what I was doing! My second ear was implanted after March 2009, so we'll be getting an extra $1,000 back for that side with the Freedom trade-in if/when I choose to upgrade.

Thoughts?

You know you're a bilateral CI user when...

You freak out that one of your implants has suddenly stopped working when you're listening to music, only to be relieved when you realized it's your headphones that are broken!

Less wimpy post to come soon, promise!

Good news is coming...

as soon as I have a spare few minutes to write about it! Stay tuned..
(Hint: look at the tags!)

Six Months

Today marks the half birthday of when I got my second implant activated :)

I've written plenty of posts on the benefits (and drawbacks) of being bilateral, so I'll try not to get too repetitive.

Bilateral=good

Regrets=none

When I was deciding on whether or not to go bilateral, the rumors about the Nucleus 5 had just started circulating. As much as I wanted the "latest and greatest" there was no telling when it would come out.  It could be weeks, could be years, and my audiologist couldn't squeeze anything out of the Cochlear rep. So, I (obviously) decided to go ahead with the surgery, as the timing was best for me. I had a full summer planned, and there was no way that I was interrupting my plans with surgery, and I sure as heck wasn't going to do it right after I started high school!

So, as you probably all know, the Nucleus 5 came out a month ago. As cool as it looks...

And as tiny/thin as it is...

And as amazing as the remote  may seem...

(Not to mention the bilateral accesories, AutoPhone, and improved mics...)

I'm still happy that I had the surgery when I did. I should be able to upgrade fairly soon, but had I waited, that would have been 6 less months that I would have heard from that ear. It's made life a lot easier. Without my new implant, I would not be able to use the FM (although I still do get some static, at least it works!) I was worried about music, going into my second surgery.  There's still a lot of ongoing research abot the benefits of having two CIs vs. 1+a hearing aid when listening to music. I was listening to music days after my new ear was activated, and I, personally, have found that it sounds much better with my 2 implants. It sounds great when I have it on my everyday ADRO, but even better when I have both processors set on the music program. I cannot even imagine going back to wearing one. When my batteries die on either ear, I wonder how I was ever able to do it with just one! While hearing in noise and in the classroom is still a challenge, it's a lot easier than it was before.

It was so worth it.

Birthday Girl

You may have noticed a small very significant change in my profile.

No?

I am now officially the big one-five. Yes, I am fifteen! That means that in a couple of days, I will be taking the test to get my learner's permit. It also means a sharp increase in my mom's panic attacks,

Kidding! Well, sort of :)

To celebrate, I went out to dinner with six of my closest friends and had a great time. We did plenty of reminiscing and some gossiping, and I still can't believe how fast we're all growing up. The restaurant was pretty loud and noisy, but my friends are even louder, so it wasn't too big of a problem! I am due for a MAPping, so I will be going in on Tuesday. I did just get a new one a couple of weeks ago, but it soon became apparent that it needs some tweaking. Whenever I need a new MAP there are number of signs that make it quite obvious to me and my family, but I will write another post on that later. Anyhow, I get to sneak a peek at the new Nucleus 5, so who am I to complain!

Note to self: Never think it's okay to eat a cheese sandwich for lunch the day of your birthday party. Lactose intolerance doesn't take a day off, even for birthdays! (yes, I learned the hard way...)

So, I'm posting this video although it seems to be about naivety (and naive is definitely not an adjective I'd use to describe myself), and there are other Taylor Swift songs that I like even more. So why am I posting it? Well, because it has to do with the two main reasons I'm writing this post:

1. Being fifteen
2. Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift? How could she possibly have anything to do with this post?

I know, I know- you're just dying from the suspense! ;)

Wellll, I got quite a few very nice birthday gifts. One of them I begged for hinted about months in advance...




TICKETS TO THE TAYLOR SWIFT CONCERT IN THREE WEEKS! *insert loud girl shriek here*

I love music. But if it's sung by Taylor Swift, that makes it about a thousand times better.

Can you tell I'm excited?

Survivin' and Thrivin'

I've survived my first week of high school.

And I actually sort of liked it. I'm one of those weird people who needs (and loves) routine. The first day was relatively uneventful. I didn't get lost, and was able to get to my classes on time. I feel really lucky, things have worked out quite well (so far.) My schedule is GREAT (well, now that I've changed it twice). My classes are pretty close to each other, I have at least one good friend in each class, and I've never been late (or even almost late). I was originally assigned a bottom locker, but I didn't want to chance hitting my head and breaking an implant, so I requested to get it moved to a top locker. My new locker is on the opposite side of the school, and I was especially concerned because it didn't seem to be near any of my classes. It is actually somewhat close to two of my classes, which is pretty good when you consider that most people are only able to make it to their lockers once a day. The best part is, I got one of the sophomore lockers. While it's not any different than the freshman lockers, the people around my locker are SO nice. Last year, the kid whose locker was next to mine smelled questionably like smoke (I'm not going to jump to any conclusions... but this deaf girl has a pretty acute nose!) and was constantly cussing at me to get out of his way. The snooty girl who had a locker under mine always had her posse standing standing in front of my locker who REFUSED. TO MOVE. Passing periods were somewhat traumatic last year.So, it was such a nice surprise for people to instantly move out of my way if they see I'm trying to access my locker! And they actually SMILE! A little respect goes a long way.

Hearing-wise, things are great! At lunch, thanks to now being bilateral, I am able to follow most of the conversation with ease! It also makes it much easier to hear in the hallways. The FM is a HUGE help in my classes (I don't use it in the cafeteria because of spills and such), especially the larger ones where we get into groups often. One of my classes is a two-year class for those in the gifted program that is a mix of History, Humanities, and English. Since it's two years, there are also sophmores in my class and I get an AP History credit in addition to that an Honors English credit, which is pretty good. It's known for being really difficult, but also for being a lot of fun and the teachers are awesome. Apparently I'm in the "small" class (a mere 40 students!) On the first day, one of the teachers took a minute to quickly explain what the FM was, how it helped me, and that any time someone was speaking and I needed to hear it, they needed to speak into it. We then had to go around the room and tell things about the person sitting next to us, and the FM was passed to each person in the classroom before they could start speaking. This set a great precedent for the rest of the year, and already we have gotten into multiple groups and it has made it SO much easier on me. I am so grateful that my teacher did this, and he said it pretty eloquently and didn't make it seem like too big of a deal. Another thing that helped is the actual design of the FM. The SmartLink vaguely resembles a cellphone/TV remote/ iPod and doesn't seem quite as fragile as the Campus FM did. Everyone is comfortable just holding it up to their mouths like a microphone.

The second day I did have a problem where the FM died halfway through the day, even though it had been charging all night. I noticed a big difference when it wasn't working. The FM I am using is a temporary (and sort of old) loaner, and I will be getting a brand new SmartLink as soon as the order arrives. However,  on Wednesday I was given a backup SmartLink to use in case the other one dies again. It hasn't, and now I have two temporary FMs to keep up wit1h I do still get a little bit of static, but not enough to make me not want to use it. I am going to trial using the FM in my right ear one more time. I don't think the results will be any different, but we'll see

I haven't had too much homework, but I'm apparently taking 2 of the 3 most difficult classes at my school, so I guess that won't last long.

Well, that's all I've got to tell! This first week has been really great, and I hope the rest of the year is the same.

A New Sound+Another CI Moment

I pretty much never post about a "CI Moment" or new sounds that I hear, because after having my first implant for over two years, I've pretty much heard it all- or so I thought. Today I was sitting down eating a banana. Our house was relatively quiet (for once), and I became acutely aware of the delicate ripping sound you hear when peeling a banana. I peeled it just a little bit at a time just to enjoy it! I have probably had hundreds of bananas in the past couple of years, but I am left handed and usually hold the banana in my left hand while peeling it with my right. My left implant is still relatively new, so I can only assume that is why I am hearing it for the first time- too cool!

After getting this far along in typing this post, I saved it as a draft because I had some last minute back-to-school organizing to do. While in the middle of labeling my supplies, my phone started ringing (well,vibrating). It was one of my good friends, who I had mentioned in another post when she called me and I could not understand her at all. This time I understood every. single. word. I'm on a roll- two CI moments in one day! I'm really liking this new MAP! I might also add that this time I spoke to her using my new ear, rather than my older ear. While I did figure out how to use my cellphone with the FM via Bluetooth, (I have the Phonak Smartlink FM) I did not have the FM on when she called. I will have to try it out, though.


Well, starting tomorrow I am officially a freshman. I haven't "gotten sick" in the past 24 hours, so I'm hoping I will be fine tomorrow. Otherwise my first day would be a little too memorable! Cross your fingers!


I want to thank y'all for all of the comments and for those of you that voted in the poll. Keep 'em coming!

It's That Time of Year Again- Orchestra

Every year (okay, well I just started doing it last year, so for the past two years) I have written all of my teachers an email letting them know a little bit about myself, my hearing loss, and my implants so that they're not completely clueless on the first day. This year I wrote three different emails- one for orchestra, one for my core classes, and I'm going to write one for French soon. I am going to post these in case anyone wanted an idea of what I write, or if you wanted to write a similar letter yourself. So here is the letter I wrote to my Orchestra teacher.

**Some information is **ed out because it is private and/or irrelevant.


Hi Mr. ******,
My name Is L**** M**** and I'm going to be in your first period Orchestra class. I know you have taught me a few times at ***[my middle school], but I just wanted to let you know some things about me to make the year run a little more smoothly. I wear devices called cochlear implants in each ear, and without them on I am profoundly deaf. Rather than having thousands of little hair cell to hear all the different frequencies, I hear an array of 22 electrodes implanted inside of my head. With my implants on, I can hear most sounds, but they sound different to me than they would to someone with natural hearing. Because of this, it can be hard for me to tune my violin, and I may not always hear the more subtle differences in pitch when playing (or listening) to music. I am hoping this will not pose much of a problem, but if it does I will let you know you know and maybe we can figure out a time outside of class for you to help me with whatever I am having difficulty with. My hearing loss has not posed many issues in the past, so, again, I hope it is not too big of a deal in orchestra.

When you speak to me or the class, make sure you speak in a steady and somewhat loud voice so that I can understand you. I also read lips, so I need an unobstructed view of your face and mouth when you are talking. To help me hear a little bit better, I also use a device called an FM system. It's fairly easy to use, and you basically just have to hang the microphone around your neck. I don't know if you have used this type of FM before, but if not I would be more than happy to come by **** [my high school] today or Friday to explain everything. It shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes, but it can be pretty hectic on the first day (as I'm sure you know!) and it would be easier for me to show you how to use it ahead of time, if that's possible.

The last I wanted to let you know is that if we ever watch some kind of video in class with important information, it must be captioned for me to understand what is being said. If it does not have captions, I will need you to give me a copy of notes with any information in the video that I need to know.

Thank you, and please let me know if you would like me to come explain the FM!

No Two Ears Alike- Part 5: A Comparison

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part 4

So, I'm going to write a comparison between my left (new) ear, with info about my right (old) ear . Some of it is stuff I have already talked about, some is stuff that I vaguely mentioned, and some is information that I am just now sharing.

Recovery
Old: Easy as pie, but slightly dizzy for the first 2 or so days.

New: Terrible. Horrid. I was dizzy for at least a week, and in a lot of pain. Also had/have issues with the scar healing. It took me about two weeks to feel like myself again.

Residual Hearing*

*I have not officially gotten my hearing tested unaided since getting both implants, but will do so and post the results in the near future. This is just what I have observed:
Old: Seems to be a good bit of residual hearing in the low frequencies. In that ear I can sometimes hear my dog barking (if I am really close by), doors slamming, my iPod turned all the way up using my Bose headphones, and voices if you speak/scream loudly in a low-pitched voice. I can also hear loud clapping.
New: Appears to have some residual hearing in the high frequencies, weirdly enough! I don't think I am completely imagining it, but anything is possible. I can hear the high-pitched beep/ticking of my Sonic Alert portable alarm clock faintly if I hold it right next to my ear without anything blocking it. When I went back to school before it was activated, we had a fire drill and I could hear the alarm in that ear.I can't hear much when I turn my iPod up all of the way, but some things that I have heard are someone smacking gum (so strange) and my sister will come up behind me and scream in a high pitched voice, and I can hear it. She just thinks it is so cool!
Side note: My hearing fluctuates, so I'm not sure how long this is going to last. Some of these sounds I could not hear before I was implanted without my aids in, so it's pretty weird. I don't mind it though!

Tinnitus
Old: I would get it occasionally (it was very quiet) before I got implanted. Once I got my CI, it went

away completely
New: Never had tinnitus before, until I woke up from surgery with an extremely loud roaring sound. It has since progressed into a steady, loud, chirping. It beats to my pulse- if I was running around, it gets faster. If I'm just laying down, it gets slower. I only hear it without my processor turned on.

Activation

Old: I kept a log on Microsoft Word of my activation experience and all the new sounds I am hearing. I have not updated it since November of '07, but it is 14 pages long! It's really cool going back and looking at it, and I encourage anyone to do so if they are not already keeping some kind of blog or journal! I also think my writing has matured a bit since then... Here is an excerpt I wrote in it shortly after activation,

"When I was first activated everything sounded like beeps. It was weird, but it quickly got better. Within an hour everybody sounded like Mickey Mouse on helium! When my sister laughed in a dramatic low pitch it sounded so high that it was impossible to imagine! However the next day I was able to understand many things without lipreading. Then people began to sound like Donald Duck. It was pretty funny, I have to admit! The next day, people started to sound like a robot mixed with Donald Duck. The more I practiced with the implant, the better it got. Starting the day of my activation, I listened to music with just my implant. At first it just sounded like a cacophony of sound, but if just got better and better. Within 2 days I could understand the lyrics of songs. About a week or a week and a half after activation I bought an iPod since mom “misplaced” the other one. Once again, the more I listened to it, the better it sounds."

So there's how I got my blog name! More about that in another post.. And the "misplaced iPod" comment- my mom took up my iPod after my hearing got worse (which I think was a very cruel thing to do!) because she was afraid it would further damage what I had left. She promised me I could have it back once I got my implant, but by then she had forgotten where she'd hidden it!

New: Sounded like wind chimes at first... Progressed pretty quickly. I was listening to music and talking on the phone (with my AV therapist, not my friends- that's more of a challenge!) within 3 or 4 days!
FM

Old: Oh my word. A complete and utter disaster! The static was so annoying, and the batteries die every 10-15 minutes because I use a really,really strong map on that side. I've deemed the FM hopeless for that ear, and even my audiologist has said there's really not much else we can do to make use of the FM better on that side.
New: Static at first, but went away once we found the right FM. I haven't tried it in the school setting yet, but I have my fingers crossed for the start of school next week.
Note: Yes, I am only going to wear an FM boot on one side. I'm hoping it will also allow me to hear what is being said by the rest of class, if the sound coming through the mic only reduced on one side. We'll see- I'm cautiously optimistic.

Staying On
Old: My ears look pretty much the same, so I'm not really sure what the deal is! I guess my right ear is just floppier! The processor is constantly falling off of my ear when I'm doing everything from just sitting there, to baking, to running around, and it was a real pain when it fell off when we were doing a group obstacle course where we were all standing on a wire trying not to fall off at a camp I went to this summer. It was a camp for kids with hearing loss, and the "counselors" were audiology/SLP students, so someone picked it out of the dirt, and handed it to on of the students, who tried to simultaneously balance herself while putting my processor back on my head. The problem was she was on the other side of me and couldn't see my ear, so it took a little while-- and then fell off again! The magnet stays on fine, though (until the processor drags it down to the ground as it falls!)

New: Stays on, no problem! I was pleasantly surprised, because I did not want to deal with two things constantly flying off of my head!

Violin

Old- After I got activated, I apparently started playing really quietly. Which is not a good thing, considering I'm already a pretty timid player!

New- Went through the whole "playing quietly" period again. My violin teacher thought I could tell better when I was in or out of tune, and did more auto-correcting. I guess he's right, I never really noticed it...

Speech

Old- I began pronouncing the soft sounds that I had not heard or said in a while. "House" became "House" again, instead of "how". The /s/ and /x/ sounds came back into my speech!

New- Suddenly I began getting comments left and right about how my speech sounded so much "crisper" and "clear". It was kind of an awkward conversation to have, but I guess I can give the credit to my new implant!

Note: My speech really wasn't all that bad before, really! Sure, it wasn't perfect, but you couldn't tell I had trouble hearing just from the way I spoke (until you asked me a question and I answered it completely wrong- ha!). I will have to record myself speaking someday and put it on here...

Music

Old- Much better than it was with hearing aids. No more distortion distortion. The first song I heard when I was activated was by KT Tunstall, who I later found out, interestingly enough, has a deaf brother with a CI! I didn't think music could sound any better.

New- I was proved wrong! Listening in stereo using my headphones is soo much better! It's so cool to be able to listen to each instrument and understand the lyrics

Anyone out there?!

That's all for now, folks! And lurkers- please don't be afraid to come out of your shadows! I don't bite! I can see how many people visit my blog per day and it doesn't nearly match up with the number of comments! While I get plenty of comments on the Community (which is a great resource for anyone looking into or that has CIs, and I recommend you visit!) y'all here in the blogger world seem to be slackin'! I'd like to hear what you have to say, even if you just want to leave an anonymous comment- fine with me! So come on guys, something-anything! Just let me know that I'm not talking to myself!

In Summary- 8/19/09

I was asked to give a summary of all of my thoughts on being bilateral, and I thought that was a good idea, so here I go. Basically, 2>1! I had a significant amount of residual in my unimplanted ear using a hearing aid before going bilateral, but I have found that having two implants makes a world of difference, rather than an implant and a hearing aid. I feel like I can hear more of the subtleties of music, and I don't struggle nearly as much in noisy situations. I have found that while my two ears are completely different, they complement each other beautifully. I prefer my newer ear over my older one, and find it better for talking on the phone. If anyone is contemplating going bilateral, my advice would definitely be "Go for it!" but also understand that your journey is not going to be exactly the same the second time around. Upon first getting a second implant, there is not as much of the "WOW!" factor since you can already hear sound. However, it is much easier and less fatiguing being bilateral, and I highly recommend it!

No Two Ears Alike- Part 4: Frustrations

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three



By all means, I was doing pretty well with my new implant. I had gone to AV therapy 4 days after it was turned on, used the phone with my new side alone(!) and she told me I didn't have to come back unless I really wanted to. No thanks!


The problem was, I felt like I was living up to everyone's expectations except for my own. The drawbacks of being a perfectionist!


Time went on, and my implant stopped cutting out, and my ear started to feel better. I could finally focus on just the hearing part... until about two weeks later. I was sitting in the car, on the way to school, when suddenly my left side cut out. I hoped it was an isolated incident, and kept quiet. Then all day at school, it continued. That night, a blast of pain came over my left ear. Great. Here we go again! At least we knew the two things were connected!


I had to go back to my surgeon where he did the same "cleaning out" of my incision. I took a look at his office and hoped it was the last time I would need to go in there! As far as the cutting out went, we would turn up the manual power percentage. It would work for a little while, and then it would start cutting out again. I finally decided to just deal with it, and hope it would go away on its own. It's tough going to so many appointments during school, so I figured I would just deal with it during the summer.



Meanwhile, at school, we were down to the final three weeks. It was cram time, time to squeeze in all the work that needed to be done but was never gotten to, in right before exams. Fun, right? In my gifted and talented/English class, our teacher decided we would have to pick one of three books and read it in two weeks. These were long, very difficult books. Instead of having the usual teacher-led class discussion, we would break up into literary circles and discuss it completely on our own, and would have assignment for each meeting. At the end of the book, we'd have a test. Most of the kids in my class were actually pretty excited about it since we got to pick who we were with, and so was I.


The day came to choose, and I decided to be smart and try to pick people who I knew would stay on task and would actually discuss the book, because after all, I wanted a good grade on the last test of the year! I got into a group with my best friend, as well as with some friends, and a couple of girls that I wasn't too close with, but I knew they were really smart. I'd be lying if I said we didn't have the smartest group of kids in our circle! :)



The first day of our literature circle, a girl I'll call Jane began to read her assignment. One sentence into it, and I was cringing. We have an extremely loud class, and we were all in the same room discussing. Jane probably has the quietest voice in the class. I couldn't hear a word she said. I then realized that not only had I picked the smartest kids in my class, every single person in my group was extremely soft-spoken, except for my best friend, who I'll call Nicole. We had to summarize what each person spoke about after they spoke, and it was my saving grace that Nicole read each word of her summary aloud as she did it. The only information I got was the two to three sentences we wrote in the summary.



For the next few days, I agonized over what I was going to do for the next circle. It was all think about. I finally decided that it would be best to situate myself to that I was right near the middle, therefore close to everyone that spoke.


Jane begin to read her paper. Once again, I couldn't hear her. Finally halfway through, Nicole interrupted her.


"Hey Jane, could you speak up a little? Sorry, I'm like deaf..."


At which point I exclaimed, "YOU?!" and we all got a good laugh. (She's completely hearing, if you're wondering!)



"Okay, then it will help all of us!" Nicole said.

It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one struggling.

Jane began reading again. I still could not hear her. Nor could I hear the rest of the group. I did my best to glance at everyone's papers, but I was frustrated. Everyone else seemed to be able to discuss at ease, while I just sat there trying my hardest just to catch a word or two.

That afternoon, I went and sprawled across the couch and cried like I never have before. I sobbed inconsolably for hours upon end. It just wasn't fair. I was mentally exhausted. For the first time in my life, I actually wished I wasn't deaf. Everyone else seemed like they had it so easy. I couldn't help but wonder if things would be different if I could hear like every one else. I had an Algebra exam the next day, and skipped studying in place of crying and feeling sorry for myself. This might not seem like a big deal, but I'm that kid who studies for hours while everyone else studies for 15 minutes, and Algebra is a high school course that goes on our GPA, which means I freak out about it even more than usual . It's not because I need to, it's because I felt like I had to know that I did everything I possibly could in hopes of getting a perfect score. I was under way too much pressure, 99% of which I had placed on myself.


I even began to question if I had made the right decision. Yes, I could hear better, but a little voice in the back of my head wondered if maybe I should have waited until the summer? I could only deal with so much at one time.

Then I began to feel pain in a different part of my incision, lower down than I had initially. I had learned my lesson, and this time went back to my surgeon immediately. So much for last time being my last time! It turns out I had an inflamed lymph node. Yipee. He put me on antibiotics for ten days, and all that was left was to keep our fingers crossed.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." is a phrase that I say quiet often. I began to question its validity!

I have to say, I was really hesitant to write this, which is part of the reason I didn't post it while it was actually happening. No one wants to say that they're struggling, and I think as much as we don't want to admit it, CI recipients are constantly being compared (and comparing themselves) to one another, even if it is unspoken. Even the best performers struggle at one time or another, and I think it's important to acknowledge that. I think my main motivation for writing this is to say "Don't give up! It will get better!"

And it did. But I've already written way too much, so stay tuned!

On a happier note, here's a really funny video that's been going around like crazy on the internet.

Here are the lyrics to the song that is playing while they're dancing.

1,2,3, 4..

Hey (eh)

Forever

Hey (eh)

Forever
It’s you, and me

Movin at the speed of light into eternity (yeah)

Tonight, is the night

To join me in the middle of ectacy

Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you (around you)
Ima take you there, Ima take you there

So don’t be scared, I’m right here, ya ready?

We can go anywhere

Go anywhere

But first, its your chance

Take my hand

Come with me
It’s like I waited my whole life

For this one nightIt’s gon be me you and the dance floor

'Cause we only got one night

Double your pleasure

Double you fun

And dance forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever (forever)

Ever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever on the dance floor
Feels like were on another level (ohh ahh

)Feels like our loves intertwine

We can be two rebels

Breakin the rulesMe and you

You and I

All you gotta do is watch me

Look what I can do with my feet, baby

Feel the beat insideI’m drivin, you could take the front seat (front seat)

Just need you to trust me (trust me)

Girl girl girl

It’s like now
It’s like I waited my whole life (oh)

For this one night (one night)

It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (dance floor)

Cuz we only got one night (ohh)

Double you pleasure

Double your fun (yeah)

And dance forever ever ever (ohh)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever (forever)

Ever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever on the dance floor
It’s a long way down

We so high off the ground

Sendin for an angel to bring me your heart

Girl where did you come from?

Got me so undone

Gazin in your eyes got me sayin

What a beautiful lady

No ifs ands or maybes

I’m releasin my heart

And it’s feelin amazing

Theres no one else that matters

You love me

And I wont let you fall girl

Let you fall girl (ahh ohh oh oh yeah)

Yeah, I wont let you fall

Let you fall

Let you fall (ohh ohh)

Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah
It’s like

It’s like I waited my whole life (whole life)

For this one night (one night)I

t’s gon be me you and the dance floor (me you and the dance floor)

Cuz we only got one night

Double your pleasure

Double your funAnd dance forever ever everForever ever ever

Forever ever ever

ForeverEver ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever on the dance floor
ohh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh yeah

Forever ever ever ever

Forever ever ohh

*I apologize for any mistakes on these lyrics. I copied them off of a lyrics website.

*Be sure to scroll down and pause the music playlist before watching*

This is my future wedding! If only I could dance...

No Two Ears Alike-Part 3: Progress and a Problem

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two


I had purposely scheduled my activation for a Friday so I would have the weekend to adjust to hearing with two ears. And that I did. By Saturday night, I was listening to my iPod with my left ear alone and even enjoying it. My speech recognition seemed to be improving by the hour. Just a day after getting turned on I went to The Listening Room and breezed through all the levels of the speech discrimination activities, and the highest one, the expert/olympic module, was/is still under development, probably would have been more challenging. (My surgery was just a few weeks too early to receive Sound and Way Beyond.) By the end of the weekend, I had gone through all 8 of the programs given to me (each one louder than the next). It seemed that I was one of those people I had been jealous of when I got my first implant, those who seem to do well instantly.



Since I had gone through all the programs, I went in for another mapping four days after my new side was turned on. We quickly got through the mapping, and then my audiologist was eager to put me in the soundbooth. I listened for the tones, then she did HINT sentences. I surprised myself with the amount I was able to understand. Either I understood the sentences or I didn't. The ones I understood I got entirely right, but the ones I had trouble with I couldn't understand a single word of. The audiologist finished the HINT test and I started to get out of my chair.



"Wait," she said "I'm going to get ready greedy and test you on words!"



"Are you kidding me?!" I asked.


For the uninitiated, this is probably one of the most stressful hearing tests if you don't have really good hearing. I swear I can feel the anxiety building up as the creepy man voice says, "Ready, duck. Ready, bomb." I'm not sure what the point of saying "ready" is, since I don't think there is anyway to be ready! The man sounds like he's torn between overexcitement and nervousness, and I'm not sure if the speed is adjustable but he seems to go mighty fast! That voice haunts me...


While doing the test I was convinced I was getting every single one wrong. I have a close relationship with my audiologist and we get along great, so I figured she would be understanding. I looked at her through the window with a "save me!" look and she just smiled and nodded at me to keep going. Fine then!


Finally, the testing was over. I went into a long rant to my audiologist about how sure I was that I had failed miserably. She refused to say anything until we got into her office. "Do you know how amazing these results are?!" she asked. Clearly, I did not. Then she showed them to me...



Keep in mind these are my results FOUR DAYS after my CI was activated. Not a long time at all. I also included my right ear's (with two years of electrical listening experience) audiogram for comparison.

Red is right (old), blue is left (new). That's 5-2o dB across the board for my new side alone! And 0-15 dB for my old side is pretty awesome too!

And here is my speech understanding scores for my left ear alone, once again, I repeat, FOUR DAYS LATER!

HINT- 83%

CNC- 60%

Pure shock! I was already waaay surpassing my old hearing tests.

The next few days I had a little more skip in my step and my hearing only kept getting better. I was so happy to know that I had made the "right" choice and was feeling a lot more confident in more difficult hearing situations. Actually happy doesn't even begin to cover it. I was ECSTATIC. I was in the "honeymoon phase" of having two implants.

In a perfect world, the story would end there. I would go on to say that now I have super sonic amazing hearing and blah, blah ,blah. (okay, yes, I do think my hearing is pretty amazing now, but that is not the point!)

Not too long after that hearing test, I kept feeling a sharp pain along the very top of my scar/ear on my head. It felt like an awful pinching. I tried to ignore it at first, chalking it up to healing. The pain started getting worse and more frequent. "My ear is probably just not used to carrying so much weight on it." I told myself. That had to be why. Then it got to the point where by the afternoon, I had to take my processor off because the pain was so intense. There were days where I had to remove it at school and keep the processor in my purse, because as much as I loved hearing with two ears, the pain was becoming unbearable.

My mom had said from the beginning we should book an appointment with my surgeon. I refused and insisted that it would get better. She begged me to go. Finally I gave in out of pure misery.

My appointment was on a school day afternoon immediately following the Worst IEP Meeting of My Life. Okay, it was the only IEP meeting I'd even been to, but it was an emotionally traumatic experience. And as I've said before, I'm not a crazy-emotional person. I'm not going to go into many details because I have no way of knowing who reads this blog. (which is also why I don't use my real name, for those of you who were wondering.) Let me just say that the person who was going to be in charge of coordinating my services and was supposed to help me for the next two years of high school just didn't "get it". She seemed like she was out to get me, and I cried until I thought I had no more tears left. Then came the appointment.

My mom was parking the car, so I went into my surgeon's office on my own. It was the one time they took me immediately. I went in and my surgeon came to the room I was in pretty quickly. I described the pain to him and he looked. He asked me to point to exactly where the pain was. He then got out some kind of giant magnifying thing and put it to the side of my head. After looking for what seemed like forever, he looked at me and told me that there were hairs growing inside of the incision that were preventing it from healing. He told me he would use his instruments and go inside the wound to remove them, and it may hurt a little. Great, just what I needed.

He went in and began and the pain was awful. It felt like he was pinching me as hard as he could, and then some. Suddenly it stopped, and I turned my head to look at him. "I just need to get another instrument so I can go in a little bit deeper." AHHH!

Could this day get any worse?

By the time he finished, my mom arrived in time for a question-and-answer session with my surgeon. He went into more detail this time, explaining that because of these hairs growing at the top of my incision, there was actually a small hole forming since it was preventing the scar from healing. Ew. I knew having crazy curly hair would catch up with me someday! My surgeon told me that what he did should solve the problem. I asked if it could happen again. "It can, but it's unlikely," was his response.

Following that appointment I had another appointment with my audiologist because my new side would frequently "cut out" where it would briefly go silent, then I would resume hearing as normal. We tried a couple of things and were hopeful that it solved the problem.

In my dreams!

By the time I got home it was late, and I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was have myself a little pity-party. My parents were pretty understanding, and allowed to take a rare "day off" of school to relax. I'd need it.

To be continued, once again. Up next in part 4: Frustrations.

No Two Ears Alike-Part 2:Activation

April 3rd, 2009. The big day.



I managed to survive the two and a half weeks between surgery and activation. I was super excited to get my new side turned on, not just because I wanted to hear better, but because I was told it would help with this annoying chirping I was hearing. At that point I was willing to try anything, so that came as a relief!



The day my implant was to be turned on was also the day of a big orchestra competition. The biggest competition our class had ever played in, to be exact, so I was determined not to miss it. That's another reason I was excited to get my left side turned on; the violin sits on the left side of your head so it was sounding quieter than what I was used to. Anyway, I went with my class on the bus to the competition, and as soon as it was over my mom picked me up and we drove off to the audiologist! I ran into the hospital bathroom and changed out of my orchestra clothes, then went and sat in the waiting room, anxiously bouncing in my seat while simultaneously repeating the mantra, "high hopes, low expectations" in my head. Yeah right!



The audiologist came out grinning. "Are you ready?" Like she had to ask!



I walked into her office, me and my lonesome self. My parents never come into the room for my mapping sessions, and this time was no exception. I sat down on the chair and we quickly hooked up the processor to the computer and the mapping process began. Only this time it was much more difficult than usual because I was distracted by the noise INSIDE OF MY HEAD. Once we finally went through all of the "fat" electrodes (the only ones you map) the time came. She turned it on. I knew it wasn't going to be an earth-shattering moment, since it wasn't like I'd never heard sound before. At both of my activations we left the cameras at home. It just puts too much pressure for it to be dramatic! I'm not an extremely emotional person, so there really wasn't much to see.



"Can you tell it's on?" asked the audiologist

"Nooo?" I said nervously.



That was the moment of my activation, intimately shared by me, my audiologist, and the observing student. Touching, right?



She turned it up.



"How about now?" she started talking about the weather. "What does it sound like?"



I could tell I was hearing something, but it was more "feeling it" than hearing. That's normal, my audiologist told me.



"Whenever you feel ready, take off your old side and listen to it with just the new side. Take as long as you need." she continued to talk.



I took a deep breath, and flicked off my right coil.



Wind chimes. It sounded like wind chimes.



To be continued.

Up next: Progress and a Problem

No Two Ears Alike- 1

Shame on me.

I started this blog exactly a week after my second implant was turned on fully anticipating to document everything and completely failed to even mention that I was bilateral. Oh well, let's hope you figured it out from the picture at the top of my blog!

I think it's time you hear a little about my left ear, don't you? My left ear was always my "better" (better being relative) ear. There was never a huge difference, and I was always told that it was such a small difference it shouldn't matter. Well, it felt significant to me! Especially when we managed to switch up my hearing aids a month before my first CI surgery ( don't ask...you'd think after nine years of having hearing aids this would be a mistake that would never be made, but it's not so!) further exaggerating the difference between my ears. I figured it out soon enough, but even when the aids were in the correct ears, I always felt like I had to turn my left side towards people to hear a little bit better. It had quite a bit of residual hearing, so wearing a hearing aid on that side and an implant on my right seemed ideal.



So why did I decide to get a second implant? My hearing hadn't dropped any more, and I could still understand some speech. The thing is, when I got a taste of what hearing with one CI was like, I wanted to be able to hear that well in both ears! For those of you or your kids who still have some hearing in their unimplanted ear, let me show you my left ear's hearing test results at my evaluation for a second implant...

The blue line is (or should I say was) my aided hearing. The purple line is my unaided hearing. Unaided, as you can see, I had a pretty typical severe hearing loss. Aided, it looks very similar to how my unaided audiogram looked when my hearing loss was first diagnosed when I was three and a half, although not as much of a dip in the highest frequencies and it was probably slightly worse in the lowest frequencies.

As far as speech understanding goes, here are my results (once again, left ear only):

HINT- 60dB (no noise) average- 79%

CNC Monosyllabic Word Test average- 24%

HINT (with noise): 0%

I know there are some people thinking, "why would you give up your residual hearing when you can score 79% on a sentence recognition test?"

First of all, I didn't end up losing all of my residual hearing after all (a whole 'nother post, as soon as I get more info!)

And 2nd of all, because. The HINT test is sooo not real life (well without noise, it sure isn't!)Notice how much lower my word recognition is, and you'll see how good of a guesser/"fill-in-the-blanker" I really am! I also knew it could be much better. I wanted to improve my hearing in noise, which was currently awful even with my CI and HA together. (0% for my right ear alone, and a pitiful 21% for both ears) With a CI, hearing is just so much easier. Even my audiologist commented on how most of the time with my right ear alone, I was relaxed, leaning back in the chair, and just saying the answers with ease. Then when we went to test the other side, I kept leaning towards the speakers, squinting my eyes, and having to pause to try and think and "fill in the blanks" for each of the sentences.

If you're wondering, here were the results for my right, implanted side:

HINT (no noise)- 98%

CNC- 80%

(audiogram of my right ear will be on the same one as my post-bilateral CI results) No, these results are not perfect, but I'm happy with them! They actually have changed very little (maybe 5% higher) from a month after my 1st CI was activated, interestingly enough.

Okay, okay, enough about the testing. I had my surgery for my second implant on the Monday that my spring break started, and I fully intended to be back at school the following Monday. After all, after my 1st CI surgery I was up and happy just two days later. Well this time was completely different. For starters, I was the last surgery of the day. Or one of them. It wouldn't have been that bad if the nurses hadn't done every SINGLE thing in their power to get me out of the hospital ASAP. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, and came very close to screaming "I'LL PEE WHEN I WANT TO PEE! JUST LET ME SLEEP!" :-P. The surgery was quicker than my other one, a little over an hour, and the anesthesiologist commented how the electrodes just "slid right in."

When I woke up from the surgery, the first thing I noticed was the roaring in my ear. It was crazy loud, and drove me nuts. When I got home, I rested plenty and woke up the next day. For the entire week, my ear and head were throbbing. I couldn't stand up without being hit by a harsh wave of dizziness, and when I managed to walk I was extremely unsteady. The roaring in my ear had transformed into a steady chirping noise that was in synch with my heart beating. This was not how it was supposed to be! I'd been warned about all of the side effects, but I didn't think they'd actually happen! I definitely wondered, "what did I get myself into?" multiple times in that week of misery.

The dizziness eventually went away. The pain came and went. The chirping? I still have it to this very day, but only without my left processor on.

To be continued...