The last three months, in bullets

• A few months back I went into a class filled with audiology/SLP grad students to tell my story and answer questions. It was a great experience, and it was nice to see how eager they all were to become the best professionals possible. To be honest, grad school looked much more interesting than high school, but it probably isn't always that way!
• I got an iPhone 4! I am in love with it! It took a few hours to get used to the the keyboard (and I still have trouble typing without looking, but who really needs to be able to do that anyway!) I was worried I wouldn't be able to hear very well on it, but the sound quality is actually much better than any other phones I've used in the past. I don't use the listening/speaking part of the phone too often, but it's good to feel confident that I can hear on it when I do use it. I haven't gotten the chance to try out the FaceTime feature yet... It is wonderful having my music and phone all in one, and the apps aren't too bad either :)
• I have officially had my license for 6 months! My mom insists that's not very long, but it does mean that I can now legally drive more than one passenger in my car!
• Yesterday marked two years since my bilateral surgery. I'm finally getting to the point where I'm not feeling like I constantly need to go for mappings, and it is *so* nice.
• I still have a love/hate relationship with school. Hate the work, but I'm loving spring break :)
• For the last month or so, I've had horrible jaw pain upon opening my mouth, chewing. talking, yawning.. you get the idea. Today I went to an oral surgeon and he asked if I've been under stress lately. I laughed- when am I not under stress? Apparently I clench my jaw at night because I'm stressed, so the joint on one side of my jaw is out of place. It's supposedly really common, and is curable by doing some mouth exercises a few times a day. 
• The above appointment was also to have a consultation to get my wisdom teeth out. Yeah, that's what I get to do this summer on top of two different (P)SAT programs, online school, and volunteering. What happened to summer being time for relaxing? Or even having a little bit of fun? 
• The aforementioned surgeon also mentioned a company that takes wisdom teeth and preserves the stem cells in them for future use. There's no telling what medical advances will come about in my lifetime with stem cells (and I'm not just talking about hearing loss), so we'll look into doing that.
• I definitely had another two or three bullets to write, but then a bug flew onto the keyboard and I got completely distracted and don't remember what I wanted to say...
• I feel like I change the colors of this blog more often than I post, but it looks wintery and I'm read for spring. Plus, I looked back at some of my older posts and noticed you can't read them with the darker background..
• I just remembered everything I wanted to write...
• I wanted to thank everyone for the outpouring of support as well as the wealth of information that you have all provided regarding my last few posts. Pedro Martinez left a comment about an online course about stethoscopes with hearing loss. It was extremely helpful, but of course the speaker lost connection right as she was about to talk about stethoscopes with cochlear implants. So typical! I've decided to hold off messing with stethoscopes further, since we're done using them for the year. I may or not need it next year, depending on if I get into a program I'm applying for. More to come in the next month, keep your fingers crossed for me!
• I'll be participating in a research study on FM use and cochlear implants, and I will get the chance to try out a couple of different FM systems. I will keep everyone posted!
• I'm embarrassed to admit that I even watch Celebrity Apprentice... but did anyone else see the most recent episode on Sunday night? If not, let me just say that it is the epitome of of ignorance of hearing loss/deafness (or whatever term you prefer).
• Most importantly- I ask that as you pray for the thousands of tragedies in Japan and whatever else is going on in your life, please squeeze Sara and her family into your thoughts and prayers, if you haven't already. Sara is an amazing young woman and a member of the Cochlear Community. Her brother and sister were recently in a car accident. Her brother was killed, and her sister is currently in a coma. I can't even begin to imagine being in her situation, but I do know that every last ounce of support can make a difference.

Defying Science

So, there's a slight bit of controversy over the effects of having two cochlear implants versus just one plus a hearing aid. I personally believe that they both have their pros and cons, but my own experience has led me to believe that it's much easier conversing in background noise with two implants, and music only sounds better. With a hearing and a CI, it always felt like it was just amplifying the background noise- and that's coming from someone who had a lot of residual hearing. In addition to that, I've found it to be practical not having a "good" side, and I think it's given me confidence in social situations. However, I did find this article to be interesting. I am not sure how reliable the study was, and to be honest, I take it with a grain of salt. For those of you interested, the abstract concludes with

"Although the bimodal cochlear implant group performed better than the bilateral group on most parts of the four pitch-related tests, the differences were not statistically significant. Evaluation of the subject with normal hearing in the contralateral ear showed that the addition of low-frequency sound, even when unintelligible and limited to below 150 Hz, significantly improved cochlear implant speech recognition with a competing talker. Conclusion This research adds to the existing studies that show no significant difference between bimodal and bilateral cochlear implant users."

I'd be interested to hear the opinions of other bimodal but now bilateral users, as well as others. I certainly don't think I'm alone in my experiences!

The telephone, hearing and exams

*Sorry if you've left me a comment/email/message and I have not responded. I fully intend to, and I know some of these are months old (and some are only a few days old) but I want to respond all at once when I have the time to give full attention to the topic at hand. I appreciate your patience :)*

The reason for the need for the above statement is because I have been studying like crazy for exams. I'm only posting this because I know if I don't do it now, I never will get around to it!

• I'm having one of those hearing "highs". I really hope I'm not completely jinxing myself by saying this, but I 've just been hearing extremely well lately. It's so nice.. This has led to a few "CI moments" and the realization that it's been two and a half years since my first implant was turned on. Where has the time gone?
• On that subject: I've been having some difficulty in one of my classes. It's my gifted and talented class. It's very fast-paced, requires a ton of reading and class discussion, and it's flat out hard. I'd been having an internal battle for weeks and weeks over whether or not to stay in it, since my grades just weren't where I wanted them to be in that class. I made tons of lists and talked to lots of people and I thought I had my mind made up that I was going to change to an easier class next semester. I decided to talk to my teacher (again) as a last resort, and he gave all sorts of tips* on how to study, which included studying with friends. This is something I pretty much never do, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I decided to stay in the class for the time being (it is also one of my favorite classes, just extremely challenging.) So, in preparation for upcoming exams (which started today), I got together and studied with friends practically all day Sunday.
• In the morning,  I got together with just my best friend and we decided to make a study guide of everything we could possibly need to know for the first section of the test. The class is sort of a mixture of 3 different subjects (it's taken over 2 years, so you get 2 different credits), so we made a study guide for the first part. We started off with my friend typing. I soon learned she has some pitiful typing skills ;) and we decided to trade off. I listened to my friend, read the text book, and type simultaneously. In the middle of doing this, I realized I never could have done this a couple of years ago. It didn't even occur to me that I would have trouble hearing what she was saying without staring at her lips, and it was never even an issue. Being bilateral, it was also nice not having to worry which side to sit on or constantly having to turn my neck/head.
• Later on, we decided to meet up with a bigger group of friends and spend three hours discussing everything we knew. We were at a friend's house that was relatively quiet, and I was able to follow most of the conversation. Keep in mind these are my loud, crazy, friends who find it perfectly acceptable for five people to talk at once, which is exactly what happened. While I did occasionally have trouble keeping up, I'd say I understood a good majority of the conversation and was able to stay involved given that there were no other outside noises. Eventually, my friends had trouble understanding what was being said so we had to enforce a rule that onlt one person could talk at a time. That lasted about five minutes!
• Today, my phone was dying so I went and plugged it in. I left the room to go work on one of my exam reviews, when I heard that all too familiar buzzing of my phone. My friend was calling me. Instead of running away (or not hearing it ring in the first place..) I ran to answer it. I was on the phone with my friend for two hours, and we were discussing the information for  (different exam than the one previously stated) our exam tomorrow. I was in the study/office talking on the phone, when my sister and her friend came in and were having issues using our copy machine. They were laughing hysterically, and the machine was beeping like there was no tomorrow. All the while, I maintained and understood the conversation with my friend- how cool is that?! I was not using T-coil, mainly because I didn't want to have to mess with it while on the phone. Halfway through the conversation, I briefly put down my phone to flip throught the textbook, only to realize that the battery was once again dying. I ran to grab the charger (and cursed my luck), and plugged it in. My cell phone charger has an annoyingly short cord, so I had to put it on speaker phone in order to prevent me from having to lean towards the ground for the phone to reach my ear. I made an interesting discovery- I do not hear nearly as well on speakerphone. I don't know if it becomes distorted because it's too loud, or what, but the difference was pretty dramatic.

The pain has returned and is in full force. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried- I am. My doctor is not concerned at all, but part of me is afraid that the implant could be infected or something, and they won't realize it until it's too late. I'm hoping that part of me is just paranoid! We are going to see if we can get insurance coverage for the N5 on my new side ASAP in order to see if that will help with the pain. I really hope so, it's getting pretty uncomfortable. Thankfully, the dizziness has disappeared. And, there's THREE days until my winter break starts. Do I hear cheers and applause?!

*For now, I think I'll stay in the class. This change in my mind has also been helped by an increase in my grades, which never hurts!


Happy Holidays to all!

just the usual

Bad blogger! Yes, I know. My sincerest apologies, sometimes life gets in the way! :P
So, what's been going on here?

• Saturday night- We got back in town, and I was off balance and dizzy. Deja vu? Yes.. only this time we drove, which made the whole thing pretty weird to me.
• Tuesday- Early in the morning, my left implant started aching a little bit, bu only if I pressed on it, so  I didn't think much of it. As the day went on, the pain became more and more pronounced. By 5th period, it was excruciating. Whenever I raised my eyebrows or smiled (which, I discovered, I do practically every five minutes) it only got worse, and my face expression turned would turn to a grimace. By 7th (last period), I hade to take my processor off. By the time I got home, my surgeon was closed.
• Wednesday- I got in the car, and my mom told me that she thought it was snowing. It pretty much NEVER snows here, especially not this early, so I rolled my eyes (what can I say, I'm a teenager!) and laughed. We pulled out of the garage, and shrieks of excitement could be heard from our car, as well as the constant buzz of my phone, filled with "IT'S SNOWING!!!" text messages. It, indeed, was snowing on December 2nd in Texas. It lasted for an hour, but it only stuck to the grass. No snowday off of school for us :( I took some Tylenol, and the implant pain was a lot less.

This is a picture of the snowfall in my town.
Credit: nbcdfw.com-taken by Todd Young
• Thursday- Finally, able to get in to see my surgeon. (Wednesdays are surgery days). It was barely hurting then, but I was still freaked out by the whole episode, plus the dizziness still hadn't gone away.  The verdict?
• He saw nothing concerning upon examining my head/implant, which is good. Upon looking at where my pain was, at the lower area (my surgeon called it the receiver) of the implant, he determined that it was from the processor rubbing against it and irritating it. My implant is pretty high up, so I found that surprising, but I think he knows a thing or two more than I do! He said that we just need to watch it over the next couple of months, see if it still bothers me, and that the only way to real way to fix it is to get the Nucleus  processor since it would be smaller and wouldn't rub on the site as much. (Potential insurance coverage argument? I think so!)
• He said he didn't really have an explanation for why the dizziness was occurring, and thought it was just a coincidence that it happened right after the trip. Dizziness is pretty common in all hearing loss patients, especially those who have had some type of ear surgery, so it's not exactly surprising to him. My surgeon gave me a 3 page long list of balance exercises to do which should help my balance improve. I haven't done any yet, but they're awfully interesting- how does standing on one leg with a cardboard box over your head sound?!

Yup, that's my ear. This was taken at a camp I went to this summer for kids with hearing loss.

We got a little excited about using the bling ;)

You can see where my implant/coil sits  in relation to my processor.(It's similar for both ears)

*I also got a mapping right before we left town. Now, both ears are at a processing rate of 1800. Battery life isn't great, but hearing is!

And, if you feel like watching an inspirational video that will surely make you teary-eyed, click here!

News, News, and More News

Sorry for keeping you guys in suspense ;) for so long,  I wanted to be certain of everything before I posted about it. Now I am, so read on...

I know a lot of people mentioned that external equipment can often be the source of having an unusual amount of trouble with hearing. Whether it be a dirty microphone cover, a damaged processor, a loose coil,- they all affect how you hear. In my case, I changed out all of the equipment and it made absolutely no difference in sound quality. If you, however, are reading this because you're experiencing the same problem, I recommend changing out all external equipment, just to rule it out before proceeding any further.

Mapping
So, last Friday (10/23) morning my orchestra teacher pulled me out at the end of class saying my mom had sent him an email that she wanted him to relay to me. I went into the office and read it- the Cochlear Rep woke up sick  (darn you, H1N1!) and wouldn't be able to make the appointment- did I still want to go to the audiologist? I wasn't happy about that, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to try yet again with my audiologist. I went to the appointment, and my audiologist told me that she felt like we were missing something and that a new set of eyes should look at it, but she wanted to try one last thing before giving up. It was either that or do some hearing tests, so I figured what the heck...

My audiologist decided to start from scratch and create an entirely new map- the same ol' measuring T's and C's just wasn't doing it anymore. My processing speed/rate on both processors has always been at 900, which is where most people start off, and usually stay. The processing speeds can range from 250 (on the oldest processors, mainly only used by people who have had their implants for years and years and don't like the faster rates) to 3600 (only available on the newest processors, but pretty much too fast for anyone to comfortably use.) My audiologist said that often times with her very elderly patients who aren't doing as well as you'd expect, as well as patients who had been Deaf all their lives, she moves the rate down to 500. The response is usually a sigh of relief, and an exclamation of, "Wow! That's so much more comfortable!" These patients usually find that things sounds "screechy" at 900.

So, how does that relate to me? Comfort wasn't the issue, but clarity was. My audiologist decided to take a leap of faith and see what would happen if we moved in the opposite direction, since I was having the opposite problem. So, starting with my (right) old side, the one I'd been having the most trouble with, she opened a new map with a processing speed of 1200. In addition,  she changed the pulse width. When I first got my implant, I needed it so loud that the C's (loud sounds) were going too high up,and there wasn't any room left move them. Instead, my audiologist had changed the pulse width so that the (excuse me if this exclamation isn't perfectly accurate, this is all from memory) electrode rang just slightly longer, making me perceive the sound as louder. This causes a huge drain in battery life. Since I'm now bilateral, I've been  slowly turning down the right ear, so my audiologist thought it would be safe to move the pulse width back to the norm. A higher processing rate also causes a decline in battery life, so my audiologist thought it was necessary since we were trying out a rate of 1200.

Okay,okay, enough with the technical stuff! Before turning it on, she warned me it would sound weird. It did. She turned it on, and all I heard was a buzzing. Like, if you accidentally had your processor on T-coil. I turned off my left ear and just listened- I could hear voices, but they sounded like they were coming down a long tunnel. My audiologist worked her magic, making the appropriate adjustments. I had no clue if I would like it once I got out into the "real world", but figured I had nothing to lose. Next, we opened a new map with my left ear, changing the processing speed to 1200. We had never adjusted the pulse width on that side, so we left it alone. When it came time to listen to the tones, I remarked at how different they sounded. It was the same pitches as if it had been played while it was at 900, but the sound was completely different. Imagine always hearing the note A played on the violin, and then suddenly, one day, it produced the note A, except it was the sound of a trumpet. Wouldn't you be baffled?

My audiologist attributed this to the changing of the processing rate to 1200. I asked her why it only happened on my left ear, and she shrugged. I knew very well that no two ears are alike, so I didn't think much of it. We made pretty much the same adjustments on that side, but this time I just wasn't so sure on this side, but wanted to try it out and see. Right after my audiologist saved the maps, I was getting ready to put my processors back on, grab my stuff and go on my merry way, when my audiologist got my attention said "Stop!" I looked at her.  She told me to hook up my left ear again. I looked at the computer, and noticed the map for my left ear on the screen. I soon realized what the problem was, why the new processing rate wasn't producing the same result in my left ear. The column that lists the processing speed said 500. It was accidentally changed to 500 instead of 1200-yeah, I bet that could make a difference! She remapped me at 1200, and all was right with the world!

Interestingly enough, this new mapping caused my battery lives on both ear to do a little flip-flop. My right ear, which always required a ton of power and had a battery of life of 12-16 hours with disposables. With the new map, it is supposed to give me 36 hours! That's a huge difference! On the left ear, I had only been using the FM on that side since it required less power. The battery life, formerly around 25 hours, is now only 16 hours. The FM still works with it, but I am guessing I could probably usually it on both ears now- I will have to look into that eventually.

And my actual hearing....what did the map do? Instead of rambling on for another 8 paragraphs :P, I'm just going to copy a facebook message I sent to my audiologist a few days ago after she inquired about how I was doing.

I think it's better! Everything sounds "right"...I can understand people and music sounds good again! About time ;) I was starting to forget why I listened to music in the first place. The left side sounds a little softer/far away, but I don't notice it with the FM on. I am happy and do not want to change a thing! (for now..)







Maybe it is one magical change after all?
 
And there you have it. Sorry, I have a lot more to write about (hence the news, news, and more news,) but this post is already way too long, don't ya think?!
 
Happy Halloween!

Good news is coming...

as soon as I have a spare few minutes to write about it! Stay tuned..
(Hint: look at the tags!)

In a Funk

When I need a mapping or have trouble hearing, my family is usually the first to notice. It's possible my friends notice too, but they just choose not to say anything :)
It starts out with...

• A significant increase in the number of times I say "what?"
• Suddenly needing things a lot louder OR
• Everything being painfully loud. Lots of shushing!

That's "stage one." Stage two is when I start to notice. Usually I notice the things I've already said, and

• I'm completely exhausted and worn out by the end of the day
• I get annoyed easily
• I snap at people at the drop of a hat (I'm normally quite friendly-honest!)

And that's how I've felt for the past few week-a month. It's not that my hearing has plateaued- I'd be fine with that. I feel like my hearing is declining, which is not okay. And it wouldn't be that big of a deal if I hadn't just had a mapping in which my level barely changed. Even my audiologist said she wouldn't expect much of an improvement, since there was pretty minimal change in my MAP for both ears.

So, what's the deal?

A) I have no clue
B) But it could be..

1. An equipment issue
2. A mapping issue
3. That I'm just stressed, so I don't have as much energy to put into listening
4. An internal implant/electrode problem (I highly doubt it)

I really don't care why, I just want it fixed. After a long (short, actually we didn't have school Friday) week of school, I want to be able to relax. Unwind with my friends. Do some serious retail therapy.

Instead I strain to follow conversations, and eventually give up and go into my own little world. I put on a a mask of sorts and going into autopilot- smiling, laughing when everyone else laughs, nodding along with conversations. It's like I've gone into a time machine and back two and a half years. Only difference is a new school and harder classes.

And it's just not fair to my family. I go home and take out my frustrations on them, the people I love most. I'm sure we've all done it at one time or another, but I come home tired, angry, and upset everyday. And they feel the emotions right along with me.

Two steps forward, and five steps back.

Sorry if you don't like the short sentences and bulleted lists. I thought I'd try out a little differently just for this post, it seemed to go with how I was feeling.

And no I'm not just going to keep complaining- I've got an appointment with my audiologist and the Cochlear rep on Friday. Cross your fingers...

Good, but...

In French class, whenever we do any sort of speaking test there is a rubric that we're graded on. You can be rated anywhere from a 0-5 on a variety of criteria. If you score a 3.5-4 on something, that means you scored in the "good, but..." category. As mature as my class would like to think we are, there is still a fit of giggles everytime the teacher says "If you have a good, but.."  (Notice what it sounds like when the comma is removed...) Anyway, it basically means you did pretty well, but there are some things that could have been better. That's how my week went.

For starters, there were no meltdowns, breakdowns, freakouts, or anything of that sort. It's been a relatively happy week.. Some of the material that I was worried about and having trouble with seems to have gotten easier. I really  need (another) mapping, so everything on the hearing front hasn't been too great, which doesn't really help when you're put in one of the noisiest hearing environments.  It seems like the people at the school are starting to understand what I'm getting frustrated with, and are willing to help- as long as it doesn't involve spending, and a very misleading thing called "educational need" is shown.
Unfortunately:

• A) Sometimes when you've done everything you possibly can, there's nothing left but to try a proven and well-known technology. If this isn't recognized very soon, there can and will be action on our part.
• B) My intelligence and ability to study for hours just to learn the material I can't hear in class shows absolutely nothing about my hearing ability. I wish someone (who makes these decisions) would understand that.

Sorry if that's vague, it's probably best that I wait to share more details until after the fact.

Believe it or not, my week was relatively stress free. I haven't been completely overwhelmed, and actually got something that I oh-so-dearly was starting to miss- SLEEP! My teachers have scheduled all of the hardest tests on this upcoming Thursday, so I'm planning on getting a head start on studying so I'm not a complete disaster come Wednesday night.

And for the but.. And it's a big but... ( no pun intended... okay, maybe...)

I've had the same violin teacher ever since I started playing violin over three years ago. I'm not talking about my orchestra director, but my private lessons teacher who I've seen for  half an hour each week to work on any pieces or techniques that I have trouble with, or want to get better at. He's been my teacher when my hearing was getting worse, when I decided to get a CI, was waiting to get my implant activated, watched as I changed and grew along with my hearing, and then my journey with my second implant. He loved to experiment with how well I could hear differences in pitches, and was usually able to tell if an issue I was having with orchestra  was a "hearing thing" or just one of my own little quirks, completely unrelated to how well I can hear.

For the past two Mondays, he hadn't shown up at my school to give me a lesson during my orchestra class (or for any of his other students). I figured he was sick, and didn't really think anything of it. What I didn't know was that he hadn't called the orchestra director to let him know he wouldn't be there, which was something always did. My orchestra director was starting to get worried, and on Tuesday went over to my lesson teacher's apartment and knocked on the door, but no one answered. He soon found out no one had heard from him in a while, and called the police. The police came over to the apartmet, and found that my lesson teacher had passed away in his home at least a week ago. He was fairly young, and relatively healthy.

That's all I know, I have no clue about the cause was or any other details. I'm still very much in shock, and it has definitely made me appreciate each day for what it is, because you just never know if tomorrow will come. I know it won't be easy to find another teacher who understands and is nearly as interested in my hearing journey. I am very grateful for the three years that I had him, and can definitely say I wouldn't be where I am today without him.

Six Months

Today marks the half birthday of when I got my second implant activated :)

I've written plenty of posts on the benefits (and drawbacks) of being bilateral, so I'll try not to get too repetitive.

Bilateral=good

Regrets=none

When I was deciding on whether or not to go bilateral, the rumors about the Nucleus 5 had just started circulating. As much as I wanted the "latest and greatest" there was no telling when it would come out.  It could be weeks, could be years, and my audiologist couldn't squeeze anything out of the Cochlear rep. So, I (obviously) decided to go ahead with the surgery, as the timing was best for me. I had a full summer planned, and there was no way that I was interrupting my plans with surgery, and I sure as heck wasn't going to do it right after I started high school!

So, as you probably all know, the Nucleus 5 came out a month ago. As cool as it looks...

And as tiny/thin as it is...

And as amazing as the remote  may seem...

(Not to mention the bilateral accesories, AutoPhone, and improved mics...)

I'm still happy that I had the surgery when I did. I should be able to upgrade fairly soon, but had I waited, that would have been 6 less months that I would have heard from that ear. It's made life a lot easier. Without my new implant, I would not be able to use the FM (although I still do get some static, at least it works!) I was worried about music, going into my second surgery.  There's still a lot of ongoing research abot the benefits of having two CIs vs. 1+a hearing aid when listening to music. I was listening to music days after my new ear was activated, and I, personally, have found that it sounds much better with my 2 implants. It sounds great when I have it on my everyday ADRO, but even better when I have both processors set on the music program. I cannot even imagine going back to wearing one. When my batteries die on either ear, I wonder how I was ever able to do it with just one! While hearing in noise and in the classroom is still a challenge, it's a lot easier than it was before.

It was so worth it.

A New Sound+Another CI Moment

I pretty much never post about a "CI Moment" or new sounds that I hear, because after having my first implant for over two years, I've pretty much heard it all- or so I thought. Today I was sitting down eating a banana. Our house was relatively quiet (for once), and I became acutely aware of the delicate ripping sound you hear when peeling a banana. I peeled it just a little bit at a time just to enjoy it! I have probably had hundreds of bananas in the past couple of years, but I am left handed and usually hold the banana in my left hand while peeling it with my right. My left implant is still relatively new, so I can only assume that is why I am hearing it for the first time- too cool!

After getting this far along in typing this post, I saved it as a draft because I had some last minute back-to-school organizing to do. While in the middle of labeling my supplies, my phone started ringing (well,vibrating). It was one of my good friends, who I had mentioned in another post when she called me and I could not understand her at all. This time I understood every. single. word. I'm on a roll- two CI moments in one day! I'm really liking this new MAP! I might also add that this time I spoke to her using my new ear, rather than my older ear. While I did figure out how to use my cellphone with the FM via Bluetooth, (I have the Phonak Smartlink FM) I did not have the FM on when she called. I will have to try it out, though.


Well, starting tomorrow I am officially a freshman. I haven't "gotten sick" in the past 24 hours, so I'm hoping I will be fine tomorrow. Otherwise my first day would be a little too memorable! Cross your fingers!


I want to thank y'all for all of the comments and for those of you that voted in the poll. Keep 'em coming!

No Two Ears Alike- Part 5: A Comparison

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part 4

So, I'm going to write a comparison between my left (new) ear, with info about my right (old) ear . Some of it is stuff I have already talked about, some is stuff that I vaguely mentioned, and some is information that I am just now sharing.

Recovery
Old: Easy as pie, but slightly dizzy for the first 2 or so days.

New: Terrible. Horrid. I was dizzy for at least a week, and in a lot of pain. Also had/have issues with the scar healing. It took me about two weeks to feel like myself again.

Residual Hearing*

*I have not officially gotten my hearing tested unaided since getting both implants, but will do so and post the results in the near future. This is just what I have observed:
Old: Seems to be a good bit of residual hearing in the low frequencies. In that ear I can sometimes hear my dog barking (if I am really close by), doors slamming, my iPod turned all the way up using my Bose headphones, and voices if you speak/scream loudly in a low-pitched voice. I can also hear loud clapping.
New: Appears to have some residual hearing in the high frequencies, weirdly enough! I don't think I am completely imagining it, but anything is possible. I can hear the high-pitched beep/ticking of my Sonic Alert portable alarm clock faintly if I hold it right next to my ear without anything blocking it. When I went back to school before it was activated, we had a fire drill and I could hear the alarm in that ear.I can't hear much when I turn my iPod up all of the way, but some things that I have heard are someone smacking gum (so strange) and my sister will come up behind me and scream in a high pitched voice, and I can hear it. She just thinks it is so cool!
Side note: My hearing fluctuates, so I'm not sure how long this is going to last. Some of these sounds I could not hear before I was implanted without my aids in, so it's pretty weird. I don't mind it though!

Tinnitus
Old: I would get it occasionally (it was very quiet) before I got implanted. Once I got my CI, it went

away completely
New: Never had tinnitus before, until I woke up from surgery with an extremely loud roaring sound. It has since progressed into a steady, loud, chirping. It beats to my pulse- if I was running around, it gets faster. If I'm just laying down, it gets slower. I only hear it without my processor turned on.

Activation

Old: I kept a log on Microsoft Word of my activation experience and all the new sounds I am hearing. I have not updated it since November of '07, but it is 14 pages long! It's really cool going back and looking at it, and I encourage anyone to do so if they are not already keeping some kind of blog or journal! I also think my writing has matured a bit since then... Here is an excerpt I wrote in it shortly after activation,

"When I was first activated everything sounded like beeps. It was weird, but it quickly got better. Within an hour everybody sounded like Mickey Mouse on helium! When my sister laughed in a dramatic low pitch it sounded so high that it was impossible to imagine! However the next day I was able to understand many things without lipreading. Then people began to sound like Donald Duck. It was pretty funny, I have to admit! The next day, people started to sound like a robot mixed with Donald Duck. The more I practiced with the implant, the better it got. Starting the day of my activation, I listened to music with just my implant. At first it just sounded like a cacophony of sound, but if just got better and better. Within 2 days I could understand the lyrics of songs. About a week or a week and a half after activation I bought an iPod since mom “misplaced” the other one. Once again, the more I listened to it, the better it sounds."

So there's how I got my blog name! More about that in another post.. And the "misplaced iPod" comment- my mom took up my iPod after my hearing got worse (which I think was a very cruel thing to do!) because she was afraid it would further damage what I had left. She promised me I could have it back once I got my implant, but by then she had forgotten where she'd hidden it!

New: Sounded like wind chimes at first... Progressed pretty quickly. I was listening to music and talking on the phone (with my AV therapist, not my friends- that's more of a challenge!) within 3 or 4 days!
FM

Old: Oh my word. A complete and utter disaster! The static was so annoying, and the batteries die every 10-15 minutes because I use a really,really strong map on that side. I've deemed the FM hopeless for that ear, and even my audiologist has said there's really not much else we can do to make use of the FM better on that side.
New: Static at first, but went away once we found the right FM. I haven't tried it in the school setting yet, but I have my fingers crossed for the start of school next week.
Note: Yes, I am only going to wear an FM boot on one side. I'm hoping it will also allow me to hear what is being said by the rest of class, if the sound coming through the mic only reduced on one side. We'll see- I'm cautiously optimistic.

Staying On
Old: My ears look pretty much the same, so I'm not really sure what the deal is! I guess my right ear is just floppier! The processor is constantly falling off of my ear when I'm doing everything from just sitting there, to baking, to running around, and it was a real pain when it fell off when we were doing a group obstacle course where we were all standing on a wire trying not to fall off at a camp I went to this summer. It was a camp for kids with hearing loss, and the "counselors" were audiology/SLP students, so someone picked it out of the dirt, and handed it to on of the students, who tried to simultaneously balance herself while putting my processor back on my head. The problem was she was on the other side of me and couldn't see my ear, so it took a little while-- and then fell off again! The magnet stays on fine, though (until the processor drags it down to the ground as it falls!)

New: Stays on, no problem! I was pleasantly surprised, because I did not want to deal with two things constantly flying off of my head!

Violin

Old- After I got activated, I apparently started playing really quietly. Which is not a good thing, considering I'm already a pretty timid player!

New- Went through the whole "playing quietly" period again. My violin teacher thought I could tell better when I was in or out of tune, and did more auto-correcting. I guess he's right, I never really noticed it...

Speech

Old- I began pronouncing the soft sounds that I had not heard or said in a while. "House" became "House" again, instead of "how". The /s/ and /x/ sounds came back into my speech!

New- Suddenly I began getting comments left and right about how my speech sounded so much "crisper" and "clear". It was kind of an awkward conversation to have, but I guess I can give the credit to my new implant!

Note: My speech really wasn't all that bad before, really! Sure, it wasn't perfect, but you couldn't tell I had trouble hearing just from the way I spoke (until you asked me a question and I answered it completely wrong- ha!). I will have to record myself speaking someday and put it on here...

Music

Old- Much better than it was with hearing aids. No more distortion distortion. The first song I heard when I was activated was by KT Tunstall, who I later found out, interestingly enough, has a deaf brother with a CI! I didn't think music could sound any better.

New- I was proved wrong! Listening in stereo using my headphones is soo much better! It's so cool to be able to listen to each instrument and understand the lyrics

Anyone out there?!

That's all for now, folks! And lurkers- please don't be afraid to come out of your shadows! I don't bite! I can see how many people visit my blog per day and it doesn't nearly match up with the number of comments! While I get plenty of comments on the Community (which is a great resource for anyone looking into or that has CIs, and I recommend you visit!) y'all here in the blogger world seem to be slackin'! I'd like to hear what you have to say, even if you just want to leave an anonymous comment- fine with me! So come on guys, something-anything! Just let me know that I'm not talking to myself!

In Summary- 8/19/09

I was asked to give a summary of all of my thoughts on being bilateral, and I thought that was a good idea, so here I go. Basically, 2>1! I had a significant amount of residual in my unimplanted ear using a hearing aid before going bilateral, but I have found that having two implants makes a world of difference, rather than an implant and a hearing aid. I feel like I can hear more of the subtleties of music, and I don't struggle nearly as much in noisy situations. I have found that while my two ears are completely different, they complement each other beautifully. I prefer my newer ear over my older one, and find it better for talking on the phone. If anyone is contemplating going bilateral, my advice would definitely be "Go for it!" but also understand that your journey is not going to be exactly the same the second time around. Upon first getting a second implant, there is not as much of the "WOW!" factor since you can already hear sound. However, it is much easier and less fatiguing being bilateral, and I highly recommend it!

My New Cellphone (and why you shouldn't rely on pockets to hold your keys)

About a week ago I got a new phone. Prior to that, I had a really awesome Sidekick 2008. I was in LOVE with this phone. I'm a big texter, so it was perfect for me with its QWERTY keyboard, and it was my first "smartphone" which was pretty cool, and it had all these random nifty features. Some I didn't use, but the internet was pretty cool! Plus, it had removable covers and this website where you could make your own personalized cover for the same price! I made this really cute pink one with my name and some music notes, and an adorable picture of my dog.


Okay, after all this gushing I'm even starting to ask myself why I got a new phone! But, truth be told, hearing on that phone was a disaster. It was absolutely not T-coil (or hearing aid) compatible, and even without T-coil I got some interference. Sometimes I need/want to use the phone, so just being able to text was not optimal.


My phone contract was coming to an end and my Sidekick kept malfunctioning and not letting ,e text. Not good! So, I decided it was time to research ( a lot!) for a new phone. One thing I discovered is that every single major phone company I looked up has a list of all their hearing aid compatible phones. This was really helpful, and most of them also listed the ratings (M3, or M4 and/or T3 and T4)

Here are the links, if anyone is interested.

T-Mobile (scroll down towards the bottom)
Verizon
at&t
Sprint (For more info on their TTY compatible phones and Relay services, and data-only plans click here)

I looked at all of these websites and the features of each phone. I went to T-Mobile (my provider with my Sidekick), Verizon, and at&t and tried out all of their hearing aid compatible phones. Some interesting things I found out were that T-mobile has no M4 or T4 phone, only M3/T3, which is a lower rating. When we went by the at&t store, they claimed to have only one hearing aid compatible phone, which was a really basic phone. So, we scratched at&t off of the list. I tried the phones at T-Mobile, both with and without T-coil, and found that they were still somewhat hard to hear on. Plus all the cool phones (G1 and MyTouch, anyone?) were not hearing aid compatible. I realllly wanted one with a full keyboard, and that I could hear on, it didn't even have to be a "nice" phone. So off to Verizon we went.



I was surprised that they had quite a few phone that had T4 as well as M4 ratings. They had all kinds of cool phones- Blackberries, touch screens, full keyboards, - ALL with M4 T4 ratings! Sweet! I tried out quite a few, and finally settled on, drumroll....

The LG EnV Touch! It has a full QWERTY keyboard, as well as a touch screen (with keyboard) on the outside when you shut it. It has a rating of M4/T4 and I could hear well on it when I tried it out in the store. The guy even gave me these two pink covers that I can put on it! Yeahh!

It works well, and I really like it. It has most of the features that my Sidekick had. The one thing I don't like is that Verizon apparently had a 160 character text limit to non-Verizon users...who knew?! I was kind of annoyed, especially since they didn't tell us. My friends thought it was pretty funny "No more of your infamous 5 page long texts!" Oh well! I can still send and then finish the message in a new text message, so I can live with that.

It seems I need a new mapping, though. I tried out the phone a few weeks before I bought it, and I could hear great! But my friend called me the day after I got it, and I could barely hear her. I'm not going to go into all the details (because I can't without making myself sound like a complete idiot) but I'm just going to say that I didn't hear the time we were going to the movies, and had to beg one of my other friends to find out. She refused, but it all worked out in the end.

I have since tried using the phone on my left (new) ear with much more success! I was delighted with that! And the thing is, you never know when you'll need to call someone. I'm saying this 10 minutes after getting into my house after being locked out for 25 minutes. That definitely required me to make a few phone calls! My poor dog has a hurt paw, but he was feeling kind of anxious so I decided to take him on a short walk. My dad was out of town, and my mom decided to take my sister shopping, so I was home alone. So, being the very responsible teenager that I am, I took a key and locked our front door after leaving. We just went down the block, but I could tell Zach (my dog) was getting tired and it was hard for him to hop on three legs. So we walked back to the house. Right as I was about to get the key out, a thought popped in my head, "Wouldn't it suck if I lost my key?" I then reached into my pocket where I had oh-so-safely put the key, and it was nowhere to be found. Panic set in and I turned each of my pockets inside out in desperation. Nothing but a tube of chapstick and my cellphone!

I called my mom, who was pretty angry that I left the house in the first place. After doing her usual, "I'm going to kill you!" she instructed me to retrace my path to see if I could find the key. By then, Zach was completely exhausted, and whenever I tried to get him along with me to come look, he would just go in the street and drink the drain water. So, I tied his leash loosely to a tree branch and went on my way to look for the stupid key. I looked carefully, using my phone as a light since it was now getting dark out. I could not find it! My mom called me again three times, saying she was on the way. The only thing is, she was a good half hour away. Finally, by some miracle, one of our neighbors answered her phone and drove over and brought me a key-- after I'd been sweating out side for 45 minutes! The walk (20 minutes) was shorter than the time I waited!

Don't you hate it when you try to be independent and make a complete fool of yourself?

**UPDATE** I made an even bigger fool of myself... Apparently my jean shorts have a little tiny pocket inside of the normal pocket- perfect for fitting a key! My mom decided to search my shorts and thought it was HILARIOUS when she found it! Me-not so much. At least I didn't lose the key?!

Au Revoir!

I'm leaving for Paris tomorrow and will get to put my (limited) French skills to the test! I'm so excited! If anyone has any last minute trip suggestions, leave a comment now!

Murphy's Law that my incision on my left ear, after being just fine for a month, decides to go crazy less than two days before I leave the country. By crazy, I mean a terrible stabbing/burning pain. Thankfully, I have a really awesome CI surgeon who has known me forever (probably since I was three or so) and is willing to squeeze me in with just a few hours notice! Crisis averted!

It seems I have the same problem as before. Not as last time, but the time before that. There's some weird hairs growing and blackheads (yuck!) along the top of the incision. Sorry if that's TMI, just keepin' it real! After being repeatedly stabbed with some kind of instrument and removing whatever mess was in there, my surgeon told me I should be just fine on vacation and should be okay until I get back. Good, because there's no way I'm missing this trip!

I will have limited computer access for the next ten days, so until then have fun re-reading all of my old posts! ;)

(oh, you know you want to!)

No Two Ears Alike- Part 4: Frustrations

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three



By all means, I was doing pretty well with my new implant. I had gone to AV therapy 4 days after it was turned on, used the phone with my new side alone(!) and she told me I didn't have to come back unless I really wanted to. No thanks!


The problem was, I felt like I was living up to everyone's expectations except for my own. The drawbacks of being a perfectionist!


Time went on, and my implant stopped cutting out, and my ear started to feel better. I could finally focus on just the hearing part... until about two weeks later. I was sitting in the car, on the way to school, when suddenly my left side cut out. I hoped it was an isolated incident, and kept quiet. Then all day at school, it continued. That night, a blast of pain came over my left ear. Great. Here we go again! At least we knew the two things were connected!


I had to go back to my surgeon where he did the same "cleaning out" of my incision. I took a look at his office and hoped it was the last time I would need to go in there! As far as the cutting out went, we would turn up the manual power percentage. It would work for a little while, and then it would start cutting out again. I finally decided to just deal with it, and hope it would go away on its own. It's tough going to so many appointments during school, so I figured I would just deal with it during the summer.



Meanwhile, at school, we were down to the final three weeks. It was cram time, time to squeeze in all the work that needed to be done but was never gotten to, in right before exams. Fun, right? In my gifted and talented/English class, our teacher decided we would have to pick one of three books and read it in two weeks. These were long, very difficult books. Instead of having the usual teacher-led class discussion, we would break up into literary circles and discuss it completely on our own, and would have assignment for each meeting. At the end of the book, we'd have a test. Most of the kids in my class were actually pretty excited about it since we got to pick who we were with, and so was I.


The day came to choose, and I decided to be smart and try to pick people who I knew would stay on task and would actually discuss the book, because after all, I wanted a good grade on the last test of the year! I got into a group with my best friend, as well as with some friends, and a couple of girls that I wasn't too close with, but I knew they were really smart. I'd be lying if I said we didn't have the smartest group of kids in our circle! :)



The first day of our literature circle, a girl I'll call Jane began to read her assignment. One sentence into it, and I was cringing. We have an extremely loud class, and we were all in the same room discussing. Jane probably has the quietest voice in the class. I couldn't hear a word she said. I then realized that not only had I picked the smartest kids in my class, every single person in my group was extremely soft-spoken, except for my best friend, who I'll call Nicole. We had to summarize what each person spoke about after they spoke, and it was my saving grace that Nicole read each word of her summary aloud as she did it. The only information I got was the two to three sentences we wrote in the summary.



For the next few days, I agonized over what I was going to do for the next circle. It was all think about. I finally decided that it would be best to situate myself to that I was right near the middle, therefore close to everyone that spoke.


Jane begin to read her paper. Once again, I couldn't hear her. Finally halfway through, Nicole interrupted her.


"Hey Jane, could you speak up a little? Sorry, I'm like deaf..."


At which point I exclaimed, "YOU?!" and we all got a good laugh. (She's completely hearing, if you're wondering!)



"Okay, then it will help all of us!" Nicole said.

It felt good to know that I wasn't the only one struggling.

Jane began reading again. I still could not hear her. Nor could I hear the rest of the group. I did my best to glance at everyone's papers, but I was frustrated. Everyone else seemed to be able to discuss at ease, while I just sat there trying my hardest just to catch a word or two.

That afternoon, I went and sprawled across the couch and cried like I never have before. I sobbed inconsolably for hours upon end. It just wasn't fair. I was mentally exhausted. For the first time in my life, I actually wished I wasn't deaf. Everyone else seemed like they had it so easy. I couldn't help but wonder if things would be different if I could hear like every one else. I had an Algebra exam the next day, and skipped studying in place of crying and feeling sorry for myself. This might not seem like a big deal, but I'm that kid who studies for hours while everyone else studies for 15 minutes, and Algebra is a high school course that goes on our GPA, which means I freak out about it even more than usual . It's not because I need to, it's because I felt like I had to know that I did everything I possibly could in hopes of getting a perfect score. I was under way too much pressure, 99% of which I had placed on myself.


I even began to question if I had made the right decision. Yes, I could hear better, but a little voice in the back of my head wondered if maybe I should have waited until the summer? I could only deal with so much at one time.

Then I began to feel pain in a different part of my incision, lower down than I had initially. I had learned my lesson, and this time went back to my surgeon immediately. So much for last time being my last time! It turns out I had an inflamed lymph node. Yipee. He put me on antibiotics for ten days, and all that was left was to keep our fingers crossed.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." is a phrase that I say quiet often. I began to question its validity!

I have to say, I was really hesitant to write this, which is part of the reason I didn't post it while it was actually happening. No one wants to say that they're struggling, and I think as much as we don't want to admit it, CI recipients are constantly being compared (and comparing themselves) to one another, even if it is unspoken. Even the best performers struggle at one time or another, and I think it's important to acknowledge that. I think my main motivation for writing this is to say "Don't give up! It will get better!"

And it did. But I've already written way too much, so stay tuned!

On a happier note, here's a really funny video that's been going around like crazy on the internet.

Here are the lyrics to the song that is playing while they're dancing.

1,2,3, 4..

Hey (eh)

Forever

Hey (eh)

Forever
It’s you, and me

Movin at the speed of light into eternity (yeah)

Tonight, is the night

To join me in the middle of ectacy

Feel the melody and the rhythm of the music around you (around you)
Ima take you there, Ima take you there

So don’t be scared, I’m right here, ya ready?

We can go anywhere

Go anywhere

But first, its your chance

Take my hand

Come with me
It’s like I waited my whole life

For this one nightIt’s gon be me you and the dance floor

'Cause we only got one night

Double your pleasure

Double you fun

And dance forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever (forever)

Ever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever on the dance floor
Feels like were on another level (ohh ahh

)Feels like our loves intertwine

We can be two rebels

Breakin the rulesMe and you

You and I

All you gotta do is watch me

Look what I can do with my feet, baby

Feel the beat insideI’m drivin, you could take the front seat (front seat)

Just need you to trust me (trust me)

Girl girl girl

It’s like now
It’s like I waited my whole life (oh)

For this one night (one night)

It’s gon be me you and the dance floor (dance floor)

Cuz we only got one night (ohh)

Double you pleasure

Double your fun (yeah)

And dance forever ever ever (ohh)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever (forever)

Ever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever ever ever (ever)

Forever on the dance floor
It’s a long way down

We so high off the ground

Sendin for an angel to bring me your heart

Girl where did you come from?

Got me so undone

Gazin in your eyes got me sayin

What a beautiful lady

No ifs ands or maybes

I’m releasin my heart

And it’s feelin amazing

Theres no one else that matters

You love me

And I wont let you fall girl

Let you fall girl (ahh ohh oh oh yeah)

Yeah, I wont let you fall

Let you fall

Let you fall (ohh ohh)

Yeah yeah

Yeah yeah
It’s like

It’s like I waited my whole life (whole life)

For this one night (one night)I

t’s gon be me you and the dance floor (me you and the dance floor)

Cuz we only got one night

Double your pleasure

Double your funAnd dance forever ever everForever ever ever

Forever ever ever

ForeverEver ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever ever ever

Forever on the dance floor
ohh oh oh oh oh oh ohhh yeah

Forever ever ever ever

Forever ever ohh

*I apologize for any mistakes on these lyrics. I copied them off of a lyrics website.

*Be sure to scroll down and pause the music playlist before watching*

This is my future wedding! If only I could dance...

No Two Ears Alike-Part 3: Progress and a Problem

This is a series of "flashback" blog posts on my journey through going bilateral. To read the other posts in this series, click on the following links.

Part One

Part Two


I had purposely scheduled my activation for a Friday so I would have the weekend to adjust to hearing with two ears. And that I did. By Saturday night, I was listening to my iPod with my left ear alone and even enjoying it. My speech recognition seemed to be improving by the hour. Just a day after getting turned on I went to The Listening Room and breezed through all the levels of the speech discrimination activities, and the highest one, the expert/olympic module, was/is still under development, probably would have been more challenging. (My surgery was just a few weeks too early to receive Sound and Way Beyond.) By the end of the weekend, I had gone through all 8 of the programs given to me (each one louder than the next). It seemed that I was one of those people I had been jealous of when I got my first implant, those who seem to do well instantly.



Since I had gone through all the programs, I went in for another mapping four days after my new side was turned on. We quickly got through the mapping, and then my audiologist was eager to put me in the soundbooth. I listened for the tones, then she did HINT sentences. I surprised myself with the amount I was able to understand. Either I understood the sentences or I didn't. The ones I understood I got entirely right, but the ones I had trouble with I couldn't understand a single word of. The audiologist finished the HINT test and I started to get out of my chair.



"Wait," she said "I'm going to get ready greedy and test you on words!"



"Are you kidding me?!" I asked.


For the uninitiated, this is probably one of the most stressful hearing tests if you don't have really good hearing. I swear I can feel the anxiety building up as the creepy man voice says, "Ready, duck. Ready, bomb." I'm not sure what the point of saying "ready" is, since I don't think there is anyway to be ready! The man sounds like he's torn between overexcitement and nervousness, and I'm not sure if the speed is adjustable but he seems to go mighty fast! That voice haunts me...


While doing the test I was convinced I was getting every single one wrong. I have a close relationship with my audiologist and we get along great, so I figured she would be understanding. I looked at her through the window with a "save me!" look and she just smiled and nodded at me to keep going. Fine then!


Finally, the testing was over. I went into a long rant to my audiologist about how sure I was that I had failed miserably. She refused to say anything until we got into her office. "Do you know how amazing these results are?!" she asked. Clearly, I did not. Then she showed them to me...



Keep in mind these are my results FOUR DAYS after my CI was activated. Not a long time at all. I also included my right ear's (with two years of electrical listening experience) audiogram for comparison.

Red is right (old), blue is left (new). That's 5-2o dB across the board for my new side alone! And 0-15 dB for my old side is pretty awesome too!

And here is my speech understanding scores for my left ear alone, once again, I repeat, FOUR DAYS LATER!

HINT- 83%

CNC- 60%

Pure shock! I was already waaay surpassing my old hearing tests.

The next few days I had a little more skip in my step and my hearing only kept getting better. I was so happy to know that I had made the "right" choice and was feeling a lot more confident in more difficult hearing situations. Actually happy doesn't even begin to cover it. I was ECSTATIC. I was in the "honeymoon phase" of having two implants.

In a perfect world, the story would end there. I would go on to say that now I have super sonic amazing hearing and blah, blah ,blah. (okay, yes, I do think my hearing is pretty amazing now, but that is not the point!)

Not too long after that hearing test, I kept feeling a sharp pain along the very top of my scar/ear on my head. It felt like an awful pinching. I tried to ignore it at first, chalking it up to healing. The pain started getting worse and more frequent. "My ear is probably just not used to carrying so much weight on it." I told myself. That had to be why. Then it got to the point where by the afternoon, I had to take my processor off because the pain was so intense. There were days where I had to remove it at school and keep the processor in my purse, because as much as I loved hearing with two ears, the pain was becoming unbearable.

My mom had said from the beginning we should book an appointment with my surgeon. I refused and insisted that it would get better. She begged me to go. Finally I gave in out of pure misery.

My appointment was on a school day afternoon immediately following the Worst IEP Meeting of My Life. Okay, it was the only IEP meeting I'd even been to, but it was an emotionally traumatic experience. And as I've said before, I'm not a crazy-emotional person. I'm not going to go into many details because I have no way of knowing who reads this blog. (which is also why I don't use my real name, for those of you who were wondering.) Let me just say that the person who was going to be in charge of coordinating my services and was supposed to help me for the next two years of high school just didn't "get it". She seemed like she was out to get me, and I cried until I thought I had no more tears left. Then came the appointment.

My mom was parking the car, so I went into my surgeon's office on my own. It was the one time they took me immediately. I went in and my surgeon came to the room I was in pretty quickly. I described the pain to him and he looked. He asked me to point to exactly where the pain was. He then got out some kind of giant magnifying thing and put it to the side of my head. After looking for what seemed like forever, he looked at me and told me that there were hairs growing inside of the incision that were preventing it from healing. He told me he would use his instruments and go inside the wound to remove them, and it may hurt a little. Great, just what I needed.

He went in and began and the pain was awful. It felt like he was pinching me as hard as he could, and then some. Suddenly it stopped, and I turned my head to look at him. "I just need to get another instrument so I can go in a little bit deeper." AHHH!

Could this day get any worse?

By the time he finished, my mom arrived in time for a question-and-answer session with my surgeon. He went into more detail this time, explaining that because of these hairs growing at the top of my incision, there was actually a small hole forming since it was preventing the scar from healing. Ew. I knew having crazy curly hair would catch up with me someday! My surgeon told me that what he did should solve the problem. I asked if it could happen again. "It can, but it's unlikely," was his response.

Following that appointment I had another appointment with my audiologist because my new side would frequently "cut out" where it would briefly go silent, then I would resume hearing as normal. We tried a couple of things and were hopeful that it solved the problem.

In my dreams!

By the time I got home it was late, and I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was have myself a little pity-party. My parents were pretty understanding, and allowed to take a rare "day off" of school to relax. I'd need it.

To be continued, once again. Up next in part 4: Frustrations.

No Two Ears Alike-Part 2:Activation

April 3rd, 2009. The big day.



I managed to survive the two and a half weeks between surgery and activation. I was super excited to get my new side turned on, not just because I wanted to hear better, but because I was told it would help with this annoying chirping I was hearing. At that point I was willing to try anything, so that came as a relief!



The day my implant was to be turned on was also the day of a big orchestra competition. The biggest competition our class had ever played in, to be exact, so I was determined not to miss it. That's another reason I was excited to get my left side turned on; the violin sits on the left side of your head so it was sounding quieter than what I was used to. Anyway, I went with my class on the bus to the competition, and as soon as it was over my mom picked me up and we drove off to the audiologist! I ran into the hospital bathroom and changed out of my orchestra clothes, then went and sat in the waiting room, anxiously bouncing in my seat while simultaneously repeating the mantra, "high hopes, low expectations" in my head. Yeah right!



The audiologist came out grinning. "Are you ready?" Like she had to ask!



I walked into her office, me and my lonesome self. My parents never come into the room for my mapping sessions, and this time was no exception. I sat down on the chair and we quickly hooked up the processor to the computer and the mapping process began. Only this time it was much more difficult than usual because I was distracted by the noise INSIDE OF MY HEAD. Once we finally went through all of the "fat" electrodes (the only ones you map) the time came. She turned it on. I knew it wasn't going to be an earth-shattering moment, since it wasn't like I'd never heard sound before. At both of my activations we left the cameras at home. It just puts too much pressure for it to be dramatic! I'm not an extremely emotional person, so there really wasn't much to see.



"Can you tell it's on?" asked the audiologist

"Nooo?" I said nervously.



That was the moment of my activation, intimately shared by me, my audiologist, and the observing student. Touching, right?



She turned it up.



"How about now?" she started talking about the weather. "What does it sound like?"



I could tell I was hearing something, but it was more "feeling it" than hearing. That's normal, my audiologist told me.



"Whenever you feel ready, take off your old side and listen to it with just the new side. Take as long as you need." she continued to talk.



I took a deep breath, and flicked off my right coil.



Wind chimes. It sounded like wind chimes.



To be continued.

Up next: Progress and a Problem

No Two Ears Alike- 1

Shame on me.

I started this blog exactly a week after my second implant was turned on fully anticipating to document everything and completely failed to even mention that I was bilateral. Oh well, let's hope you figured it out from the picture at the top of my blog!

I think it's time you hear a little about my left ear, don't you? My left ear was always my "better" (better being relative) ear. There was never a huge difference, and I was always told that it was such a small difference it shouldn't matter. Well, it felt significant to me! Especially when we managed to switch up my hearing aids a month before my first CI surgery ( don't ask...you'd think after nine years of having hearing aids this would be a mistake that would never be made, but it's not so!) further exaggerating the difference between my ears. I figured it out soon enough, but even when the aids were in the correct ears, I always felt like I had to turn my left side towards people to hear a little bit better. It had quite a bit of residual hearing, so wearing a hearing aid on that side and an implant on my right seemed ideal.



So why did I decide to get a second implant? My hearing hadn't dropped any more, and I could still understand some speech. The thing is, when I got a taste of what hearing with one CI was like, I wanted to be able to hear that well in both ears! For those of you or your kids who still have some hearing in their unimplanted ear, let me show you my left ear's hearing test results at my evaluation for a second implant...

The blue line is (or should I say was) my aided hearing. The purple line is my unaided hearing. Unaided, as you can see, I had a pretty typical severe hearing loss. Aided, it looks very similar to how my unaided audiogram looked when my hearing loss was first diagnosed when I was three and a half, although not as much of a dip in the highest frequencies and it was probably slightly worse in the lowest frequencies.

As far as speech understanding goes, here are my results (once again, left ear only):

HINT- 60dB (no noise) average- 79%

CNC Monosyllabic Word Test average- 24%

HINT (with noise): 0%

I know there are some people thinking, "why would you give up your residual hearing when you can score 79% on a sentence recognition test?"

First of all, I didn't end up losing all of my residual hearing after all (a whole 'nother post, as soon as I get more info!)

And 2nd of all, because. The HINT test is sooo not real life (well without noise, it sure isn't!)Notice how much lower my word recognition is, and you'll see how good of a guesser/"fill-in-the-blanker" I really am! I also knew it could be much better. I wanted to improve my hearing in noise, which was currently awful even with my CI and HA together. (0% for my right ear alone, and a pitiful 21% for both ears) With a CI, hearing is just so much easier. Even my audiologist commented on how most of the time with my right ear alone, I was relaxed, leaning back in the chair, and just saying the answers with ease. Then when we went to test the other side, I kept leaning towards the speakers, squinting my eyes, and having to pause to try and think and "fill in the blanks" for each of the sentences.

If you're wondering, here were the results for my right, implanted side:

HINT (no noise)- 98%

CNC- 80%

(audiogram of my right ear will be on the same one as my post-bilateral CI results) No, these results are not perfect, but I'm happy with them! They actually have changed very little (maybe 5% higher) from a month after my 1st CI was activated, interestingly enough.

Okay, okay, enough about the testing. I had my surgery for my second implant on the Monday that my spring break started, and I fully intended to be back at school the following Monday. After all, after my 1st CI surgery I was up and happy just two days later. Well this time was completely different. For starters, I was the last surgery of the day. Or one of them. It wouldn't have been that bad if the nurses hadn't done every SINGLE thing in their power to get me out of the hospital ASAP. I felt like I'd been run over by a truck, and came very close to screaming "I'LL PEE WHEN I WANT TO PEE! JUST LET ME SLEEP!" :-P. The surgery was quicker than my other one, a little over an hour, and the anesthesiologist commented how the electrodes just "slid right in."

When I woke up from the surgery, the first thing I noticed was the roaring in my ear. It was crazy loud, and drove me nuts. When I got home, I rested plenty and woke up the next day. For the entire week, my ear and head were throbbing. I couldn't stand up without being hit by a harsh wave of dizziness, and when I managed to walk I was extremely unsteady. The roaring in my ear had transformed into a steady chirping noise that was in synch with my heart beating. This was not how it was supposed to be! I'd been warned about all of the side effects, but I didn't think they'd actually happen! I definitely wondered, "what did I get myself into?" multiple times in that week of misery.

The dizziness eventually went away. The pain came and went. The chirping? I still have it to this very day, but only without my left processor on.

To be continued...